


What If...(SNK Reader Insert!)

by EasyCheesyBeezy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A bunch of OOCness, Angst and Humor, Annie becomes social, Connieism, Convenient titan powers, Eren's vagina, Erwin loves yoga, Experiments with Hanji, F/F, F/M, Get on with the story, I'm surprised you read the tags this far, Irritating Levi, Levi is a dorky Munchkin, Molesting Armin, Mouth sexing Reiner, No death for you, Sexual experimentation with Berty, That last one happens by accident, Those abs tho, Violating Marco's innocence, What's wrong with you?, Who the heck reads the tags this far?, dat ass, my tags suck, universe hopping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-09
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-03-22 03:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 22
Words: 27,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3713356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EasyCheesyBeezy/pseuds/EasyCheesyBeezy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which you create chaos amongst the 104th Trainee Squad, and later the Scouting Legion.</p><p>  "If Mikasa or some other chick doesn't-" You proceed to roughly slap Eren's tight booty, and he replies with a girly yelp. "-tap dat ass before graduation, he's going to end up having extreme, sex-deprived wet dreams which would cause him to grind on the person closest to him! Eren sleeps with a bunch of guys!! In the GUY'S barracks!! His sexuality would flip flop and then Eren would be gay!!! In these circumstances, gay Eren Yaeger is BAD!!!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bae

**Author's Note:**

> Read at your own risk.
> 
> The stories in this are not in Chronological order.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! WARNING! THIS FIRST CHAPTER IS A TEST! IF YOU CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THIS CHAPTER, YOU CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THE REST OF THIS CRINGEY ASS BRAIN SHIT! I THANK AND APPLAUD THOSE WHO HAVE ALREADY MADE IT THROUGH WITHOUT THIS WARNING. Y'ALL THE REAL MVP. FOR THOSE WHO DON'T CARE, IT GETS BETTER AT AROUND CHAPTER 10.... 
> 
> I THINK.

You're sitting at the table with everyone that's important, sandwiched between Jean and Eren, who had just recently got into a fist fight and are now glaring daggers at each other. All the while, you're just sitting there, smiling like a perverted Cheshire Cat.

Armin:(Confused) What's with the big-

Ymir: -Creepy.

Armin: -Smile?

You:(Giggling like a cracked out lunatic, waving them off) I'm having dirty thoughts...leave me be.

The two boys quickly scoot away from you.

You:(Pulling them back extremely close) So...hard....I ship it.

Jean: Is this why you wanted us to sit by you!?

You: I love my little Eren and Jean so much...~!

Eren:(Frantically looking towards Mikasa for help) Mikasa!

Mikasa:(Shrugs)

You: Oooh...Jean and Eren...FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP!

Connie: All who think (Y/N) has lost her mind, say Aye.

Everybody:(Raising their hands) AYE!!

You: You guys just don't understand!! MIKASA! I know God damn well you're a closet Armin x Jean shipper!! There is nothing wrong with this!

Mikasa:(Blushing and looking to her lap) ...That was a one time thing.

You: No it wasn't...should I tell everybody what went down in the girls barracks last night!?

Mikasa:(Sighed in defeat) Whatever..

You: Good, now shut up and let me enjoy these two sexy rag dolls! 

Eren:(Embarrassed) H-Hey! Watch it! There are other things to focus on too!"

You:I know...like training...BUT FUCK TRAINING!! IHAVEMYTWOBAES!!

Connie proceeds to die from choking on his food.


	2. Big Dicked Mystic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While plotting to make Jean yours, Eren makes some conversation...and finds out about your relation to Rasputin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay...now, this chapter will actually have paragraphs and stuffs...

"Holy shit! I COMPLETELY forgot Jean doesn't give a shit about me!" You cried out at Eren, who thought the yelling was unnecessary, mainly because he was standing right next to you.

"Yeah...I heard him talking earlier about how he had a better chance with Mikasa...." He stopped and gave a very heavy sigh, "...Because I'm with you."

Everyone knows Jean is a douche.

Well, people might be overexaggerating a bit about his buttholeness a little bit...

But he's still an asshole for ignoring your poor little Kohai feelings! Senpai never noticed you and that made you livid.

That's why you eventually found yourself teaming up with (Y/J)eager Bombastic to make Senpai love you.  
However after yesterday's debacle with Jean not really caring about Eren being your "boyfriend", the ashen haired male took it upon himself to assume that he now had a better chance at landing Mikasa rather than being the slightest bit jealous.

He seemed surprised, but not jealous.

As that fact floated around in your head, rage and utter hatred filled your soul as your period instincts took over. 

Not really...Eren was too hot to see that side of you.

"How come when I finally feel the slightest bit of sympathy for that horse-faced bastard and actually have the decency to LOVE him, he does the dumbest, douchiest thing and then I'm back to square one!? THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME, EREN!!"

The other three times, you had attempted to win Senpai's love on your own. All attempts failed and you were left to sulk in your bed. Now that Eren was on your side, you had a small chance at least.

Eren really wished you would stop yelling.

"I dunno, Kirstein is just a giant silo filled with fresh douche bags. Why do you even like him? The only less likable character on this show is Ymir."

According to certain statistics, that was true.

You, being on drugs that were really non existent, decided to reply with the goal of making no sense what so ever.

"I've gotten into this thing where I get to a certain point in a relationship and then I just die... So I either come back and start over or find something else." You said this with the straightest face possible.

You look up at Eren, only to find him staring at you with a look you can only describe as: "Really bitch?"

"Is there some...mushroom or plant you're abusing that I don't know about?"

I loud laugh escaped your throat at the suggestion, barely finding the strength to shake your head in response, "No! Haha! I'm just koo koo. Remember that? "

"Yes...but you're not just koo koo, you're insane." He stated as a matter of factly. 

Another laugh sounded your amusement, even though it wasn't really funny, just kind of offensive.

"Stop laughing! You laughed in the instructor's face while he was screaming at you, who the hell does that!?"

"I couldn't help it!" You replied, ratty, (h/c) hair flying in every which way as you laughed your ass off, "You never noticed...*wheeze* You never noticed how far his eyes are caved into his skull? The reasons behind that are endless!!"

Soon Eren joined the laughing spree, though compared to your hyena like howling, he was simply chuckling. Then, the laughing slowly died down and an akward silence was cast over the both of you.

Almost immediately, he remembered why he was even talking to you. He made a face, it flushed a bright red as he even considered sharing this idea with you.

"Ugh...I just thought about something.." He moaned.

Glossing over the fact that his face was currently a tomato with a poke to his cheek, of course you would love to know what was going on in that very angry head of his. 

"What does this thought consist of, Jaegermeister."

Eren ignored the nickname and replied, "Mikasa..."

"What about Mikasa?"

"In order for this plan to work, Mikasa needs to be a part of this." 

"Well I understand why...but...why?" A puzzled look crossed your face.

"Full out REJECTION!!! That's why!"

"Oh yeeaahh..." You took a moment to actually process what he was talking about, "OH!! That's the smartest thing I've heard you say this year!"

Confuzzled, the brunette gave you a weird look.

"What was the last smartest thing you've heard me say?"

You flashed him a cheeky smile that managed to creep him out a fraction.  
"If you don't fight, you can't win! And if you don't win...uhhh," You forgot the rest of the line, so fuck it, "Something about NOT living." You mentally facepalmed at your stupidity.

Luckily, Eren understood what you were saying.

Unluckily, you quoting him about something that no one except himself, Mikasa and probably Armin knew about caught him by surpise.

And he choked...

On deez nu-

-I mean his own saliva.

"How do you know about that?!" He exlaimed.

"I'm a Big dicked Mystic." You grinned and waggled your fingers for dramatic effect.

Confuzzled once again, Eren titled his head, deadly secret forgotten.

"Wait, you don't actually have a-"

"Bye, Eren." Almost immediately, you speed walked away from the extremely confused teen titan.

Crisis Averted.  
.


	3. Would You Rather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A game of 'Would You Rather'

For some reason, Reiner had joined the little posse you had made with Connie and Marco...

Mikasa was there too.

The world may never know why she decided to accompany you four into the forest.

A little hunch you had suggested she might be there just to put you in line if you said the wrong thing about that time with Eren's wonderful hind quarters.

Ahh...buttocks.

Eren's buttocks.

Now, this little trip you all took mainly involved sitting around playing games. Most of them, Mikasa didn't participate in, because she thought you were stupid. She FUCKING hated you.

It was so touching how much Eren's butt meant to her.

 

"Animal, min-"

"Guys, this is stupid, I have a better idea." You cut off Connie just to say this... You didn't actually have a better idea.

"And that is?" Connie asked, kind of mad that you interrupted him.

They all looked at you expectantly, and an amused smirk crossed Reindeer's large face when you never answered.

"Alright," He got up from the conveniently placed tree stump he had been sitting on and started to walk off, "See you in fifty years when (Y/N) figures out what she was gonna say." He joked.

Offended, you made chase with a strangled yelp.

You tripped on a stick...

A fucking stick.

Dumbass.

Connie was ROFLing, Mikasa was staring at you with an amused smile, and Marco was the only one to help you up. Before the freckled saint could inquire about your condition, you sped off towards Reiner.

Then you tripped again.

"REINER!! I must ask you a question!" You shouted as you got back to your feet, a bit awkwardly, I might add.

Reiner, still smirking, turned to face you, quirking an eyebrow in mock interest.

"Shoot." He urged.

"Would you rather..." You paused for dramatic effect, actually buying time to figure out what you were going to ask the blonde Hulk.

"Would you rather...eat a whole centipede, or suck on someone's toe for thirty seconds?"

That's the best you could come up with!? Flippin' facepalm!

Reiner's eyes widened a fraction at the question, he looked a tiny bit disgusted.

"That's gross," He stated, "but...which is more so?"

Okay, skip Reiner while he thought about it.

"Okay, what about you, Connie?" You turned to Connie, who looked to be turning a bit pale.

He shook his head and gagged, "Ew! Omaigawd, ew! The centipede! Definitely the centipede!"

"Marco?"

"I'll pass..."

"If you bring down the time to maybe...10-20 seconds, I'll go with the toe." Reiner added slowly.

Connie completely flipped his shit.

"WHAT THE HELL, REINER!?!?"

"I'm not going to eat a giant bug like that!" He shivered at the thought, and Connie eventually let it go after a few seconds.

Though Reiner's counter argument was indeed invalid.

"What about you, Mikasa?" You found yourself standing next to her.

She looked at you as if you were a blade if grass...With no emotion whatsoever.

"Not to discourage you, but I choose not to be a part of your idiocy." She said.

You weren't fazed by the insult, but probably would be later when you realized what she said.

Poor, slow you.

"Reiner, would you kindly-hehe, Bioshock- Would you kindly take a turn in asking a question?"

"Sure," And that's when you realized...

You fucked up.

"Would you rather, get stabbed in the chest and lose a lung, or get stung in the same place repeatedly by a very large wasp?"

That awkward moment when your friend asks a 'Would You Rather' That no one wants to answer because it's to difficult a dilemma.

Well...You liked your lungs...but wasps hurt....Damn you Reiner Braun!

"Reiner...seriously? That's too hard!" The Avatar exclaimed at Hulk.

"What? (Y/N) told me to come up with something. So I did. Now answer it."

"I'd rather die." Connie answered.

"There's no dying in this game, Connie. You have to answer the question, that's the point of the game." You have him a stare that made him sigh and give in to your demands.

"I like my lungs...Wasp." He said.

"Me too." You agreed.

"Marco?" Once more, attention was cast to Marco.

"I'm not playing, guys!"

"Fine...sissy."

You three didn't even bother looking at Mikasa.

"Connie's turn!" Reiner beat you to the punch before you could say anything.

A big goofy smile was plastered on his face. It made you want to rip his lips off. No one stole your thunder.

NO ONE!!!

Anyways, yeah, it was Connie's turn. And you were praying to the Heavenly Big Ass Trees that it was something that wouldn't make you want to faint from indecision.

Connie thought for a moment. After a few seconds, you swore you could see the lightbulb that suddenly flashed above his head.

"Alright, I got this!" He grinned as he slapped his hands together excitedly. 

You all weren't expecting his question.

"Would you rather, make out with Eren for an entire minute, or get kicked by the Colossal titan?"

Immediately, the answers came flowing from your mouths.

"Eren."

"Titan."

"Eren."

You snorted at Mikasa's answer.

Now, there was only one person left who needed to answer.

You all stared at Marco.

"I'M NOT A PART OF THIS!!!"


	4. MY ANACONDA DON'T!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the middle of your second meal of the day, you notice the luscious, pert, backside of Armin Arlert.
> 
> Your hands aren't able to control themselves...
> 
> And shit happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Armin's butt is love. Armin's butt is life.

To just get to the point, plain and simple, Anaconda was stuck in your head.

By Anaconda, I mean Nicki Minaj's song 'Anaconda' was stuck in your damn head.

Yeah, you had access to that shiz....

The previous night, you found yourself listening to a bunch of rap music on the phone you thought you had lost but actually was under your mattress the entire time. Anaconda was among that rap music, and happened to be the most catchy.

It was more catchy than Let it Go.

So all day, you roamed around, and even trained while humming this song, and occasionally a few lyrics would fly out of your pie hole.

"Gun in my purse, bitch, I came dressed to kill. Who wanna go first? I had em' pushin' daffodils-" "

Let's say you got more than a few stares from your fellow trainees and occasionally Keith.

"Yeah, this is for my bitches with the fat ass in the club. I said, where my fat ass, big bitches in the club?"

Now it was around lunchtime, and you were sitting with the Last Airbender and Goku, who was currently stuffing her face with your food. But you didn't notice or care, you were too busy singing that last part for the umpteenth time.

"Fuck the skinny bitches, fuck the skinny bitches in the club-"

"(Y/N)...shut up..." Connie groaned from beside you.

"Don't hate, appreciate." You spat back.

He shot you a playful glare. "I don't appreciate you swearing at all the skinny girls."

"Yeah!" Sash piped in, her mouth was a treasure chest of chewed food, "I'm skinny and I find that offensively offensive!"

"Yet you eat like a pig....hey!! You took my tray!?" You gestured to the stolen, yet empty tray that once held your gross but much needed lunch.

Sasha quickly swallowed before retorting, "You basically said I could have it. You were just sitting there singing about guys eating you with their grills...whatever that means..." 

"And (Y/N), we can tell you ain't missin' no meals. So calm down." Connie added with a lazy grin.

A prominent blush made its way across your cheeks and reddened your ears at the subtle compliment, though the usage of the lyrics were kind of weird.   
However, that feeling left as quick as it came once you noticed a certain girly-looking blonde male was bending over, showing off the luscious beauty that was his ass.

My Anaconda don't!

My Anaconda don't!

My Anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun!

And damn, did Armin have some buns, hun.

You drooled at the sight. You had been waiting for this moment ever since you noticed the two large planets that were Armin Arlert's buttcheeks in that crack video you saw on YouTube.

"Dayum!! Baby got back!" You said as you proceeded to make an ass out of yourself by climbing onto the table, just to make a dramatic leap closer to the now standing and confused shota.

Everyone heard your out burst, and now all eyes were on you, including Armin's. "(Y/ N)?" He gulped, taking note of the hungry look on your face. The starved beast had found its prey, and it was heading straight towards him.

At full speed, you leapt toward the frightened boy and effectively knocked him down, but before you both hit the floor, your hands traveled down to the soft muscle of his poor, innocent booty, and you squeezed a mighty squeeze! Placing all your love and sexual tension upon him!

A very quiet moment passed. No one moved, and no one said a word...The only sound heard was your quiet, yet audible squeaking as the fangirl in you burst out into a stream of nose blood leaking down to your chin.   
You slowly sat up from Armin's paralyzed form, an expression of complete and utter bliss painted on your face.

You heard Shadis, aka Satan, slowly open the door. Your eyes were trained on the ceiling, yet you could still tell his deadly glare was set on you, but you weren't worried one bit.

Not. One. Bit.

You knew he'd chew you out for assaulting Armin, and you knew you'd have to run laps until you friggin' died.

Fuck it...All that was worth it. Dat ass was worth it.

The blood loss was getting to you, and before a word could be said, you fell backwards.

Then everything went black.

"He loves this fat ass!"


	5. Jealous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gay Eren is bad...
> 
> Because you want to tap dat ass.

Even though Jean Kirstein was the path you were taking at the moment, you still didn't mind glancing at the bodacious babe called Eren Yaeger.

At first, Eren was annoying to you, because meeting someone in person and fawning over them behind a computer screen were two completely different things. Honestly, when you first met Eren, he was a loud sack of potatoes that made you feel bad about yourself and embarrassed for him and his friends.

Embarrassed, you ask? Embarrassed seeing as he was acting like a loud ass bag of potatoes that knocked you in the face at whatever you said or did.  
And Mikasa liked you at some point, but now you were just a blade of grass that she could step on and crush into the most awkward bendy position possible.

Armin didn't mind you, in fact, he felt indifferent towards you. Yet, in a way that he just brushed off the mentally ill kinds of stuff you would say or do. 

And you did that stuff a lot.

Armin was the only one amongst the three of them that you could tolerate cognitively. Eren was the only one you could tolerate emotionally. And Mikasa...

Well, you didn't know how you felt about her.

Scared maybe?

As I was saying, Eren was really attractive, so you constantly caught yourself staring at him. And Eren, like the murder-loving idiot he was, was completely oblivious to all the looks you would give him. Mikasa noticed though...Mikasa always noticed.

(A/N): *Claps* I'm loving the drama, woo!

So one day, when you were walking with the lovable trio to the mess hall for breakfast, the Asian beauty watched your every move.

During this walk, she hadn't once seen you glance at Eren so much. Of course, you two were discussing something, and during conversation, eye contact was a must. However, the way your eyes lit up as you looked at him, and the way your happiness somehow heightened in that goofy smile you wore all the time was making something in her gut tighten.

She suspected that even though Jean-senpai was both your crush and the subject of your discussion, Eren somehow shimmied his way into your heart.

It's elementary, my dear Mikasa, A voice rang in her head, Eren is now the new subject of (Y/ N)'s affection, and there's nothing you can do about it.

Her eye twitched.

This was jealousy, no doubt, but Mikasa wouldn't admit that to herself.

She had no feelings for Eren, he was family.

She loved him, but like a brother. There's no reason she should be feeling the way she did.

Eren was too focused on killing all the titans to like her back anyway...

Hopefully.

Her eye twitched again.

Her mental battle didn't go unnoticed. Armin saw the obvious changes in her expression, from the lift of her thin eyebrows, to the light flushing of her cheeks.

"Mikasa?" He called, his voice sincere with concern, she immediately put on her mask of apathy and turned to him.

"Are you alright?" The blonde asked.

Unsure of how to answer, she gave him a wavering nod.

"Are you sure?" 

An uncharacteristic smile suddenly appeared on her face, this caught Armin off guard, and a confused look crossed his gentle features.

"I've never been better, Armin." She replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY!! So um...This is what happens when I wake up early in the morning for no God damn reason whatsoever.
> 
> Anyway, I appreciate even the smallest amount of love from the people who read these things. And I love Mikasa as a character, she's really fun to write when she's in Yandere Mode, that's why this chapter exists. :P
> 
> Nick Jonas...


	6. Please Leave Suggestions!

Hey, guys. This isn't an additional chapter, just something I would like to ask all of you lovely people.

Yes, my story has extremely short chapters, yet I update often...I'm just not satisfied with only one story that a lot of people are for some reason reading. So, I was hoping that you guys would leave me some suggestions for other works and chapters I could work on.

I also take requests, and if you you want me to write a serious story with an OC, Self Insert, yadda yadda; I'd be more than happy to! Anything for people who would take time out if their day to read a Crackfic of mine! ^-^

(Also, receiving comments is very nice in itself...)

If it's your birthday, Happy Birthday!

If you just had a baby or got married or entered college or something, CONGRATULATIONS!!

I love you.

Smooches.


	7. Could This Be Love!?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the Trost District's massacre brings you and Jean closer than expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the original plot-line is semi-important in this story, I'm going to take a risk and stray off the path like Red Riding Hood in "Into The Woods". 
> 
> Enjoy the gritty romance.

The battle of Trost....

It wasn't great.

Everyone.

Fucking.

Died.

Mina died. Thomas died. Franz and Hanna died....Marco died...

You honestly didn't care about those other people.

You were only sad because of Marco's death. 

Just like the first time. 

Even the main characters only cared about Marco being dead. Why? Hell, only side characters cared about other side characters. The only exception being Eren's rage after Thomas was eaten, yet nobody else cared. Not even you. You had only talked to the guy a few times. Those interactions weren't even memorable. Thomas wasn't a very worthwhile character to you.

(unless you're into that kind of thing ) 

Even though you were extremely depressed and in desperate need for some ice cream and Hershey's kisses, you kept your head up and made yourself useful to some degree.  
After the wall was sealed, and after dead bodies were loaded up and you all finished your jobs of mopping up guts, blood and the occasional titan hairball from the comically large, titan-convenient streets of Trost, you decided it was time for a good washing.

You were tired, hungry, and felt gross after all the blood sweat and tears put into your exertion of being a part of this gritty anime. Yet nothing could stop you from loving it and enjoying your stay.

You were cray cry like that. Extremely cray cray.

Your crayness soon brought you to the Survey Corps. You were sporting the emblem and everything. It made you feel like a boss, bitch.

A boss ass bitch.

 

The real reason you signed up for the Survey Corps was that you simply wanted to stay with Eren and the gang.

And Senpai.

Did I mention Eren?

 

Everything felt grittier than usual, everyone was slow, but weird shit was happening. HQ was full of gossip about the new titan boy that had joined the Captain's Special Ops Squad, and it had only been a couple of days following the titan invasion.  
You lost contact with the Shiganshina trio, but a grieving Jean and already recuperated Connie and Sasha were at your disposal. You weren't sure why Mikasa and Armin were gone, but they were. Maybe you needed to catch up on the anime a little later.

You decided a little chat with Jean was in order. You both hadn't spoken since you enlisted.

You spent about 15 minutes looking for him, only to give up and head to the mess hall, where you discovered he had been all this time. You mentally kicked yourself.

Jean didn't look like the high and mighty stallion you had grown to personally know him as. He sat alone at an empty table, his tray of food untouched and growing colder and staler by the second. You watched him for a moment as he held his face in his hands. It made you sad to see this. 

"Are you gonna just stand there and stare, or are you going to come sit with me?"

His broken undertone melted your heart in the bad kind of way. You very much preferred the guy that made fun of your appearance and laughed at your mistakes over the sad, grieving one that didn't even have the emotional balance to piss you off anymore.

Honestly, sad people wasn't your specialty...

But SLAPPING ASSES THO!!!

Awkwardly, you made your way over to him, sitting on the opposite side of the table.  
Jean let his arms fold limply in front of him as he wearily looked up at you. His honey gaze scanned your neutral and somewhat happy expression for a moment.

And he scowled.

Okay, now he was pissing you off.

"What did I do!?" You cried innocently.

You didn't expect Jean to give the answer he did. Well...you kind of did, though you didn't know how he would say it to you.

"How can you be so calm and smiley about this?"

Yeah, your default face was part smile, but that didn't mean you were feeling calm or smiley about this situation. A bunch of your friends died! And if you're not crying waterfalls and babbling like a baby, what were you supposed to do?

"So many people died, Jean..." Your eyes cast down to the chipped wood of the table, "I'm not all smiles like you think I am."

Of course, you felt bad about all the deaths that took place. People you interacted with, shared laughs, conversation. It was hard to believe they were gone. It was easier to cope when this wasn't your reality, but now everything just hurts, now that you thought about it.

Jean stayed silent, and it was your cue to bring up that key topic that you knew was on his mind.

With a little reluctance, you asked him, "How are you taking it...? Marco, I mean."

You could pinpoint the exact moment his heart snapped in half. (Too soon?) His expression was something way too unfamiliar to have been real. You could see the hurt in his eyes, and almost immediately you regretted ever bringing him up.

"I-If you don't want to talk about it-!" 

Jean brought up a hand to silence you and shook his head, "No," he said softly, "It's fine. I just..." 

He gestured to himself and raised an eyebrow. 

"I think it's pretty obvious how I'm taking it."

You nodded in understanding. Marco was his best friend. If your best friend died like that, you weren't really sure how...

You stopped yourself from completing that thought. With your arms folded closely on the table, you leaned in closer to him, a sincere smile adorned your face.

"I wasn't all that close with Marco. But I'm sure he wouldn't want you so torn up about his death." 

On purpose, you were distant from Marco, and refused to get even the slightest bit close to him. You saw his death coming, and just looking at him brought visions of his corpse to swarm your brain.

Jean bit his lip and stared down at his hands. He seemed anxious now. There was something written on his face, but you couldn't make out what he was silently telling you. The air surrounding you two seemed to be getting stuffy as the awkwardness increased. A few more moments passed before some strange force possessed you.

Now your small hand tightly held onto Jean's contrastingly large one. Bringing up touchy subjects related to Attack on Titan usually made you emotional and teary eyed. This happened to be one of those moments where talking about Marco loosened the valve in your tear ducts.

 

"I'm sorry for your loss..." You mumbled shakily.

Your tears caught Jean off guard. He never thought you'd have the ability to cry. You were always acting so happy and crazy.

That same force from before was now making you go on and on.

"S-Sometimes, I wish I never got caught up into this shiz because I'm so scared. People I'm close to can die at any moment...even I can. It's so damn frightening, Jean...how do you guys...?" 

You stopped when you felt that hand you were so desperately clutching on to pull you nearly over the table and into Jean's arms. 

The mess hall wasn't exactly the place to be having these kinds of moments, you two weren't exactly alone, but Jean didn't care. His main concern was you at the moment.

He patted your back, your ragged breathing suddenly stopping as you realized what exactly was happening.

"(Y/N)...please don't cry," he chuckled, "I'm the one who should be crying. Come on, where's that goofy smile? And you should be cheering everyone up with that joyous laugh of yours..." 

It felt like your chest exploded.

This wasn't Jean, was it?

Your face a dark shade of red, you looked up to check and see if it actually was. 

His long face was there.

His weird hair was there.

That was Jean alright.

Your tears stopped, and Jean responded by moving you from his chest to look point blank into your eyes.  
His slender fingers moved to slide a strand of hair that was stuck to your face behind your ear.

You attempted a smile.

He smiled back.

Then he did the strangest thing....

Your face went pale as the chapped, yet soft lips of Jean Kirstein tenderly pressed against your forehead. Mixed emotions and thoughts filled your brain and all you could do about the situation was endure it and shudder helplessly as a tingly feeling etched its way into your stomach.

As soon as you felt his lips touch your skin, they were gone almost immediately. Your jaw was hanging off your skull your mouth was gaping so wide.

"I...I've gotta go." He said before quickly retreating out the door.

You sat back in your seat, dumbfounded, embarrassed, weightless. 

Your hands made their way to your forehead, fingers brushing over the spot where the feeling of Jean's lips lingered. This was a dream.

It had to be.

 

Because Senpai just noticed you.


	8. 69

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually not sure how to explain this...

It was strange how this weird side of you always came out when you were around everyone. Your inner weirdness would explode, especially when you were in the company of the mischievious Connie Springer and Sasha Blouse/Braus (Why can no one confirm the proper spelling and pronunciation of these god damn...dare I say, stupid ass names?)

In fact, the other day they both had you laughing your abs in as some poor cadet had accidentally triggered the tripwire they had set up in the doorway of the kitchen. It was a huge mess.

First, they were coated in some sticky substance you were completely sure wasn't honey or...glue. Then, a thick layer of grain. Connie and Sasha, being the geniuses they were, had already calculated the postition, speed, velocity, acceleration and what not to perfectly time their next flurry of of fluid.

Flour.

They covered that poor cadet with flour.

Of course, you all got in trouble. Even though the dynamic duo were the master minds behind the entire plot, and you were just there to watch.

It was sad to say that the person that was originally supposed lie victim to this embarrassing trap had sent in somebody to retreive something from the kitchen instead of doing it himself.

It's like Levi had ESPN or something.

Instead of learning their lesson and moving on with their lives, Son Goku and Aang decided to dedicate their lives to successfully pranking the Captain as revenge.

You liked all their ideas and all...

But you valued your life more than anything.

And dying at Levi’s hand, you were sure wasn't pleasant. 

HOWEVAH!! They somehow convinced you to spectate.  
That's all you needed, was to spectate.

From a far distance. Where not even Levi could get you in trouble for being an accomplice. 

You were just an innocent bystander, that's all.

You repeated this sentence in your head like a mantra. You could not forget your line if watching the scene play out resulted in your untimely demise. 

Don't fuck with Levi. 

He will find you...and he will kill you....If you're not following orders....

Or cleaning...

Or if you were just...ya know...falling on top of him.

Okay, so in the midst of your desperate thoughts that seemed slightly out of character for you, (Since in this story, you're a daring piece of ass that liked to hit on the dewds) you hadn't remembered when exactly the Sash and Con Meyster wanted you to be In this specific hall.  
Turns out you weren't exactly punctual to this fateful event, and it had already happened.

An almost ear piercing, manly yell rang in your ears and startled you out of your trance. Your first instinct was to run towards the noise, and you did. But the person who made the noise was way too close to run to.

You fell into him.

It was the weirdest position you've ever found yourself in...

69-ing.

69-ing Captain Levi...

Psh... you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

A loud thunk and a bucket rolling to your side told you said bucket had fallen on Levi’s head. And since your face was almost firmly planted into his junk, like any normal person, you sat up.

Butttt....

Your butt...met Levi’s poor face.

Another surprised yell escaped Levi’s mouth as he pushed your ass off of his face, and your face back into his crotch.  
This time you yelled (into his nether region) and sat back up again. Frustrated, Levi simply tossed you to the side Like a worthless piece of sex doll.

Of course, while this was happening, you never really saw his face or heard his voice, so you didn't really know it was Levi until that awkward moment when you both locked eyes for a second.   
You screamed in utter terror and quickly got to your feet with impressive anime speed, bowing and apologizing almost too fast for him to even understand the English language.

"OhmaigawshI'msosorrysirI'mjustaninnocentbystander!!"

And that was the day you died....

The End.

Nah, just kidding...that joke is overused.

To be completely honest, even when he was covered in what looked to be jizz, and sprinkles, the Captain was still really fuckin' terrifying.  
He glared at you, but then soon shrugged you off as if he were a dog and and you were a horned toad that had just spit blood out of your eyes that literally just represents your apologies to him.

Briskly, he got up and headed straight towards the spot where Connie and Sasha had been hiding/ laughing their asses off. But not before uttering to you 9 deadly words....

"I want to see you in my office later..." 

The glare he gave you from over his shoulder made you shrink and scurry away....like a rat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright...now when you get to Levi’s office, what will happen?.....
> 
>  
> 
> WHO WON!?
> 
> WHO'S NEXT!!?
> 
> YOU DECIIIDE!!!


	9. Even Steven, Eren Squaren Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are made of love, and it's stronger than Keith Shadis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Steven Universe has been a recent thing I've become obsessed with. And since I'm not motivated enough to write a seperate SU fan fiction, I'm going to make Reader-chan a fan...
> 
>  
> 
> "Stronger Than You" by Estelle...(Yaaasss bitch, yaaaasss) plays a huge part in this part of the story.
> 
> Possible spoilers for Steven Universe....If you don't actively watch the....
> 
>  
> 
> WHO DOESN'T ACTIVELY WATCH STEVEN UNIVERSE!!!????

Once again, you were humming and singing shit to yourself.

But this time, it wasn't rap music...

Or Nicki Minaj.

Steven Universe held a very large place in your heart. All the heartfelt moments and comedy, the adult references, the charming animation and Garnet's...odd character design always made you squee when the show's barely 36 second opening song came on.  
It was stuck in your head, and you couldn't help yourself when you stayed up late just to watch a few episodes.

You were tired and felt like shit, but all of Rebecca Sugar's catchy ass songs kept you going.

When you woke up that morning:

"We, are the Crystal Gems," You sang to yourself as you donned your uniform and those mark-leaving straps.

"We always save the day! And if you think we can't, we'll always find a way!"

You even found the three people you felt (I felt, rather) fit the Crystal Gems' personalities as soon as you got outside, giving yourself the honor of representing Steven.

"Thats why the people of this world, believe in-"

The Shiganshina trio.

"Garnet-" Mikasa.

"-Amethyst," Eren.

"and Pearl," Armin.

"AND STEVEN!"

All three of them were staring at you, each with their own feelings of what the hell just happened.

Confusion, Nothing, and downright 'Wtf is wrong with (Y/N)?!'

At breakfast, for some reason, you were staring at Annie the entire time you were singing:

"All I wanna do, is see you turn into, a giant woman."

She blinked at you, slightly unfazed with a hint of: 'OMG, SHE KNOWS! ABORT MISSION!!' a hint....a hint of it was showing.

"A GIANT WOMAN!" You sang in an obnoxiously bad singing voice, getting strange stares from everyone in the mess hall.

"All I wanna be, is someone who gets to see, a giant woman. All I wanna do, is help you turn into, a giant woman-"

In Annie's head: "W-Wait, what did she just say?"

During training...which is basically just you trying to stab your friends with a wooden knife, avoid flying into trees, or to meet the goal of effectively tossing your training partner all across the field:

"Why do you have, to look up to her-" To obliviously add on to Annie's suspicions of you, you started singing "Strong In The Real Way" which has more than one unintentional Female Titan reference.

"-Aside from in a literal sense. Don't you know, that a power that big, comes with a bigger expense?" Coincidentally, Reiner happened to be your training partner, and he caught all the references, but didn't say anything about it and let you continue. 

"And can't you see that she's out-of-control, and overzealous!?"

This was getting out of hand.

But by this time, everyone in the trainee corps knew you and let you be crazy and suspicious like the crazy and suspicious person you were. 

Your singing stopped for maybe a few short hours, but when dinner came....

Garnet was like...everyone's favorite character. And when it was revealed (even though it was totally obvious ) that she was a fusion, you flipped all liek, "ERMAGERD!! LESBIANS, YAY!!" And when dat song came on tho...

Until now, as you sat alone, early for dinner and practically the only one in the mess hall looking at songs you had downloaded a while ago on your phone, you had completely forgotten about Stronger Than You.

You had downloaded a remix of the song and kept it in your Favorites folder. You didn't realize what it was until you began to play it out of curiosity.

At that moment, people started to pile in and fill tables...but you hardly noticed.

The song began...and it hit you all of a sudden.

"OOOOHHH!!! MAH SONG!!!" 

In a fit of excitement, just as your friends began to sit with you at the table you were occupying at the time, you hopped on it and started doing a small rave dance as you sang along with Garnet.

"This is Garnet, back together. And I'm never goin' down at the hands of the likes of you, because I'm so much better! And every part of me is saying 'Go get her'!"

Surprisingly enough, you actually put effort into singing this song and you sounded good. 

"(Y/N)! SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING!!" Jean shouted at you, annoyed from all your bullshit.

You stared straight at him, using a fork as a microphone you sang the next line. 

"The two of us ain't gonna follow your rules! Come at me without any of your fancy tools! Let's go, just me and you-"

You jumped off the table and threw the fork off in some random direction, probably hitting someone as well, but you were too happy to care.

"Let's go, just one on two!" Your dancing grew more erratic and in your opinion, sexy. 

Everyone except Jean, who was completely done with you, was really just wondering where the music was coming from. No one around was playing an instrument, and they weren't sounds their instruments would even make. What the heck was (Y/N) listening to, and where the flip floppin' fudge nugget was it coming from?

As you swayed your hips to the upbeat remix at the center of the room now, singing passionately the words of Jesus Christ (jk), Armin was openly questioning this.

A discussion formed between the table.

"I am made O-O-O-O-OF LO-O-O-O-OVE!!" 

"It looks like something's in her back pocket..." Armin noted, and everyone looked toward your butt.

Some people in the mess hall really thought nothing of it and started dancing along with you. Others sat quietly, eating their food and trying not to question your musical sorcery. 

Armin was indeed correct that something was in your back pocket, which meant you weren't able to turn the song off in time for Shadis's expected but unexpected arrival.

He peered through the door like he always did for some reason, and in an eerily quiet voice he said, "What's with all the noise...?"

Well...it was barely even a question. That guy was just way too serious, and extremely scary.

Keith Shadis needs to calm the fuck down.

Of course, Shadis didn't really need to ask who was responsible for all the hububb. Since got there, you've been shouting, breaking things, and doing a lot of shit that annoyed a lot of people. Everything that went wrong was usually caused by you. Yet you couldn't leave, because you proved yourself through studying and roleplaying as Spiderman in 3dmg training, which did prove a useful tactic...so Shadis was forced to keep your annoying ass.

His eyes were set on you, and when you said nothing in your defense. He assumed you would willingly take whatever he threw at you.

All his hatred and exasperation for you burned from his eyes through your soul as his next words, dramatically dark, left his mouth.

"You'll enact your punishment....tomorrow..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm too tired to make this a long chapter....so I split it...and I don't feel like editing my mistakes....so shut up....
> 
>  
> 
> I love you...


	10. Frick Frack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your hormones and sexual frustration make it hard for you to understand what Levi is saying to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lost Part 2 of Even Steven....twice...and I had to rewrite it....twice.Then I lost it again... I was so mad I was screaming...
> 
> All dogs of the world, here is how you shut up your loud human.
> 
> Shove your neck into their mouth.
> 
> And when they calm down, lick their face vigorously as their reward for shutting the fuck up.
> 
> You're welcome.

You have never been more terrified in your life.

Well, that has already been said, and yeah, when you knocked on Levi’s office door-

You shat your pants.

"Come in." That smooth voice of his would have made your face melt from its sheer buttery, soy-milky, dark chocolatey smoothness any other day, but now it just made your knees weak in the not so great way.

You opened the door and took a step inside. Levi was at his desk, quietly writing something on a document that probably didn't have any reason for existing.

The concentrated look he was making was throwing you off to some degree...

It's just...the way his tongue poked out from those supple, full lips of his somehow froze you in place. 

Then, remembering that he was waaay older than you AND your captain to boot, you shook your head to rid yourself of those thoughts and gave him a quick salute. 

"U-Uhh...S-Sir! You wanted to see me?"

He looked up from the paper....

That glorious milky complexion caused all your breath to leave your lungs in an instant.

All kinds of sparkles and bubbles were floating around the marvelous display in front of a sparkly pink background.  
.  
.  
.  
Yaaaayyyy...

You only noticed you weren't breathing when you found yourself feeling that painful sensation of your lungs caving in on themselves. Naturally, you took a very large intake of air, and Levi, who had been in the middle of talking, wasn't very happy about that. "Oi, Brat. Your superior is speaking to you. Pay attention."

You should have expected that even your presence would annoy him.

Levi was just that kind of person.

He didn't tolerate people with a sense of humor. Probably why he didn't have one either.

Like the mindless (and slightly embarrassed) fangirl you were, you straightened up and did as the snarky midget said. Trying your best not to get lost in the fantasy of fingering through the Captain's silky locks. You could only imagine what they felt like, since he was so tidy and clean all the time, his hair had to have been the softest thing on the planet from the possible extreme care.

He stared at you for a moment, like he was expecting something.

You mumbled a quiet apology.

He just kept staring at you.

You grew a bit uncomfortable under his gaze. And it was slightly annoying you that he wasn't saying anything.  
In school, teachers usually did that in the middle of a lecture to get a student's attention, or if they were simply doing something they weren't supposed to.

It was really creepy.

Like an idiot, you waved your hand at him.

"Hi." You said.

He stood.

Were you going to die?

Probably.

"Cadet..." His voice was more quiet and softer then usual, it disturbed your stomach a bit.

Levi was slowly walking over to you, his eyes never leaving your form as he did so.

The feeling of potential rape was strong in the atmosphere. 

"Siiirr?" 

You were just itching to leave right about now. Since 90% of rape first begins with a hand on the shoulder, and Levi just so happened to rest his hand on your shoulder....

Okay, you had to admit, it's not rape if you wanted it and liked it. You would give Levi 200% consent if he were to toooouuuch you.

Perv.

Once more, Levi began talking, but you didn't hear much just--

"Blah blah blah blah blahhh..." 

Your perverted brain produced thoughts that made your conciously hardened expression melt into a derpface of dirty thoughts pertaining to Levi.

Then he proceeded to pat your face particularly hard.

"(Y/N)...." He called, exasperated.

"Dimples..."

Levi froze.

When you felt his hand roughly gripping your shoulder now, you snapped out of your trance fast enough to see that shocked countenance you seemed to have gotten out of the shorter male.

You know that episode of Spongebob where he discovers Squidward binge eating all the Krabby patties in the safe of the Krusty Krab?

"You have dimples on your butt cheeks, don't you Levi?"

You made that face.

He was silent for a moment, then nodded.

 

Holy shiet.

"Well now I know that you remember." He groaned and slumped back into his chair.


	11. Yoga Poses Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin's so kind and is (kind of, but not so much) great at hiding the fact that he's as stressed as a burnt flapjack. 
> 
> Since he's done so much for you (not really, but kind of), you decide to help him out with a little bit of yogi teachings.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> And Twister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There might be some mistakes in here....I half ass revised the chapter...
> 
> Should Erwin x Reader be a thing in this story?

It was pretty obvious that the Commander, a.k.a. Legendary Caterpiller-Brow Man, was feeling like shit.

To you at least. You had a knack for figuring out these things since literally everyone in the castle had PTSD.

People with a specific, titan induced PTSD were especially easy to spot, and Erwin Smith wasn't spared from this diagnosis.

It was a free day that day, no training, just people doing their thang out visiting family or shopping. You literally had no money or family where you were, so hanging out at HQ was your best option. Hell, even Senpai and Jaeger Bombastic's crew abandoned you for Obama knew what reason. Dinner soon came, and people were piling in the mess hall, the odd set of higher ups were the last to enter.

Levi, looking constipated as usual, and Hanji trying to explain some titan-related thing to him. Then finally, Commander Erwin, the last of the last, caught your eyes.

He looked as if he had gotten into an awkward wrestling session with someone. His hair that was always so primped and pristine was slightly tousled and out of place. He looked so tired, the bags under his eyes told you just that. Luckily, he was decent enough to put his clothes on right instead of just adding to the hot mess he was.

You caught yourself ogling him as he looked around for a few seconds, awkwardly locked eyes with you, then quickly went over to sit with Hanji and Levi.

His behavior was odd. He didn't usually scan the mess hall or come in last, and he never looked sleep deprived either. At least not to you, he was always such a radiant sun goddess when he spoke to people or was just...standing there...

You didn't want to know why he looked so stressed, yet you were the only person who noticed, it seemed. You made it your mission to visit him tomorrow in his office and comfort him with whatever you came up with that night.

"(Badass superhero name), to the rescue!!"

Not once did you notice the entire mess hall staring at you as you high-fived yourself and pranced out of the building like a majestic she-stallion.

*Time Skip brought to you by Annie's icy glare*

An hour had passed since your more glamorous take on Jean Kirschtein had taken place. During that short hour, you sat on your bed and evaluated your resources that could involve some type of physical therapy. Typical jogging, stretches or working out in general wouldn't cut it. It had to be....

"Relaxiiiing....."

Sasha, the girl you shared a bunk with and was very annoyed by having to do so, was hanging upside down from the edge of the top bunk she occupied, and was staring at you.

Your eyes took in the creepy sight for a moment. Her usual ponytail was undone, her damp hair dripping onto your sheets and sticking to her flushed cheeks like patches of valcro. She must have bathed before you came sauntering in like the confident show horse you were. It was normal to have wet hair and a flushed face when you were hanging upside down, nothing too weird right?  
What made her creepy was the fact that her eyes, that were meant to be flooded with innocent curiosity and flickering youth, were that of an insane Yandere-chan.

Remember those drugs Eren mentioned you might have been doing a few chapters ago? Yeah...maybe Sasha was on some mushrooms with her creepy, dialated butterscotch eyes.

"Sasha..."

Her broad smile increased in length at the sound of your voice. Though it was filled with disturbance, she didn't mind.

"Yeeeessss?"

You didn't bother to respond, simply turning your head away and went back to evaluating the mechinations of your mind.

Sasha didn't take kindly to this.

For approximately 5 minutes, you tried to ignore her obnoxiously loud calls of your name. You caved in immediately at the 4:59 mark. 

"What!?"

The brunette smiled again before saying, "Hi," giggling to herself as she retreated to her bunk.

Not a moment after, girls started walking in, flopping into their beds and/or engaging into conversation. That's when you knew lights out was near, and Levi would be the one compulsively checking the sleeping quarters for any straggling cadets who wanted to break curfew.

You tried that once....

Never again...

Never....

That story will be for another time.

So, with the knowledge that you will be lynched for staying up to late, you quickly got into some more comfy clothes and tucked yourself in, kissed yourself goodnight and hopped aboard the train to Sleepytime Junction.


	12. Kissy Kissy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reiner's been dared to kiss you, and he's never been one to back down from a challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Steamy make out session ahead. I reeeaaaallly hope it fits the rating....if not....well...I'm not changing it.

Boredom was something you never understood.

Only the boring got bored. So you didn't understand why this interesting group of characters were bored.

Maybe they just weren't as interesting as you thought they were....

Why were they bored anyway...?

There was plenty of shit to do.

Everyone was gathered in the girl's barracks, lying in odd positions and eliciting the occasional groan, sigh or complaint about their boredom.

"There's literally nothing to do todaaaaayyy....!!!" Connie moaned.

Armin read a book.

Mikasa glared.

Annie glared.

Ymir sneered and clung to Christa for absolutely no reason.

"If you're that bored you can go train with Eren. I'm surpised Mikasa isn't doing it with him..." You said.

Another throaty moan was Aang's response.

You looked over to Reiner and Bertholt, who had made themselves at home on Annie's bed and were currently in the middle of their rendition of Patty Cake.  
Of course, Reiner would never exclude himself from inquiring about the oriental's absence from Eren's sweet ass.

"Why AREN'T you with him, Mikasa?"

She looked almost ashamed for a moment, as she'd suddenly found her twiddling thumbs very interesting right then, but eventually looked him straight in the eye with that trademark blank expression of hers.

"He...didn't want me there with him," she confessed with a faint blush dusting her pale cheeks,"He'll eventually tire himself out in the heat and come back inside..."

With that, the Asian beauty covered her now blushing face and broke eye contact with Reiner to stare off to the side in an obviously nervous, bashful fashion.

You would never not see that again.

Then, you turned to Annie. "♪Giant woman.♪"

This whole time, she had been staring at you, and that icy cold glare she wore hardened a good 20% at the reference. She knew that you knew and you knew she knew, and she probably knew that you knew that she knew.

A few minutes passed and you grew tired of the silence.

"Okay, that's it!! The silence is driving me nuts!! I expected a violent reaction out of Annie, but noooo!! She has to be BORING!" you literally said this as you stormed out of the building and to tge field where Eren was doing push ups and psyching himself up.

"You can win! You can do this! You feel great!!"

//Meanwhile//

"OW!! That was random...!"

Sasha was standing right be the door when you swung it open on her face.

"That's what you get for standing by the door," Armin chided her, "You know how unpredictable (Y/N) is...though...you don't need future vision to know that the door was going to fly open at some point."

Sasha rubbed the growing bruise on her nose and nodded as tears silently made their way down her cheeks.

She'd have to tell you about this later. 

"Anyway, guys," Jean said, scratching his cheek thoughtfully, "We've been sitting here for 20 minutes and there's really nothing to be done today. Why don't we play a game?"

Everyone considered for a moment, and were about to voice their responses when Christa quickly spoke.

"What game should we play?" She asked.

Jean found himself entranced in her innocent gaze for a few seconds. She was the embodiment of a goddess.

An extremely short, copy-pasted goddess...

"Truth Or Dare....or something?" Mina suggested shortly after.

Ymir caught herself raising her hand. "Spin The Bottle maybe?"

Connie gave her a dirisive glare. "We don't have any bottles..." 

Ymir then held up an empty wine bottle that had materialized out of nowhere.

Another look crossed Connie's features. "You're way too prepared for this..."

All the while, Christa, completely understanding her friend's motives, was a blushing mess of blond girl hormones and confusion.

"I...Truth or Dare it is!" Jean exclaimed, herding everyone into a circle.

"Eh, better than Would You Rather." Reiner added. 

"Alright, who's first?"

*Morgan Freeman decided to take over the narration*

And so, the wretched game of Truth or Dare, irresponsibly played by idiot teenagers of every generation so far, went to heights such as kissing, groping, and the occasional piggy back ride and awkward, sweaty, extremely homosexual wrestling match.

All the while, Eren and yourself entertained each other with conversation in the empty mess hall, completely oblivious to the teenagerness of all your friends.

Once all of the sexual tension died in the lowly building, Mikasa, Marco and Armin being the only ones who hadn't participated, normal dares had taken play once again.

There was the occasional ass slap and embarrassing true story, and that was it.

At least until Jean's turn came around.

"Alright, Reiner! I've got a good one for ya'!" 

Jean gave him a challenging stare, Reiner countered with a smirk.

"Lay it on me!" He called.

The horse-like boy jabbed his finger into Reiner's sturdy chest, a very wide smile plastered on his long face. "This has got to be the easiest dare to complete in the history of EVER!"

"Spit it out already!!" Ymir yelled impatiently.

"Okay! Calm down!" 

"Nobody likes you, Ymir!" Connie laughed softly, echoing the words in a progressively lower tone for dramatic effect.

Surprisingly, the words fell on deaf ears, as the freckled girl was too absorbed in the suspense to care.

 

"Reiner Braun! I dare you....to make out with (Y/N)...for as long as you can!"

Reiner's eyebrows lifted questioningly, how was that easy?

"How the hell...how is that going to be easy?" Reiner asked as Jean sat back comfortably.

"It's obvious!" Franz interjected before Jean could reply.

"Dat gurl thursty!" Connie butt in.

Armin rolled his eyes and flipped his bangs like the fabulous Pearl he was. "Way to throw shade, guys..."

"It's true...she'd have an orgy with all the guys in the 104th if she had her way." Mikasa crossed her legs in a sassy fashion before flipping her fabulous raven locks as well.

"H-How would that even...work?" Sasha said to herself, a grim expression on her face.

Later, the boys argued about the possibility of a guhjillion guys in an orgy with one girl. All except Reiner, of course. He had to think about devising a plan to kiss (Y/N).  
.

 

.

 

.

 

.

"Did you kiss her yet?" Jean asked for the second time that day.

This was starting to irritate him. If Reiner didn't get a move on soon, you would never leave Jean alone. You were on dat ass like flies on butt matter.

"No, horseface, I haven't. Kissing a girl isn't easy, and what if she's into me? I wouldn't want her to get the wrong idea and have her heart broken when I tell her it was dare."

"What kind of moral code is that!? Just kiss her and be done with it. There's no need to stalk her and drag it out!" Jean's animated arm movements were doing more than getting odd stares.

Reiner frowned, his already detailed face gaining more lines from the muscle movement, "I wouldn't call it 'stalking' I'm just observing her, (Y/N) is a peculiar kind of girl...You don't just approach someone like that and start sucking face. Wouldn't want to get my throat slit..."

Jean made a face. "Bruh..."

"What?!"

Long Face Mcgee facepalmed and sighed heavily.

"Reiner...it's been three days. You accepted the challenge, now go through with it. Are you legitimately afraid of her, or are you just making excuses because you actually DO like her?"

The larger male sputtered at the accusation.

"Of course I'm not going to back out! I'm just saying..."

"Pussy..." Jean smirked, but it was soon wiped off his face as Reiner, who was waaaaaaay bulkier, shoved him back with ease.

"You can go fuck yourself. Watch me, I'll get this done by lights out." 

Reiner's powerful push was short lived, as Jean had that smug look on his face again.

He held his hand out to shake, "Then let's make it official. It's an official dare, and if you back out, you owe me something."

Reiner was reluctant to take his hand, but eventually did after a few seconds of contemplation. Alright, it was official, laminated, even written eleventh in the ten commandments. Reiner HAD to do this.

"What would I owe you?" He asked firmly.

"I'll think of something." Jean chuckled and gave a toothy grin.

.

 

 

.

 

 

.  
Reiner never took his eyes off of you the rest of the day.

When it was finally time for him to make his move, after dinner, he thought about your feelings a few times.

What if you did have a thing for him and he would accidentally hu-

No.

This was a matter of his own feelings. He reeeeaaally liked Christa....but...

Maybe he liked you more.

Screw it, you were the right amount of entertainment, kindness and attractiveness altogether. Besides, Ymir had already taken his precious goddess and converted her to lesbianism. 

Darn lesbianism.

He found you talking to Sasha on your way to the girls' barracks, now was his chance, hopefully no one had mentioned the dare to you at all.

Reiner licked his chapped lips to take a little bit of the roughness away, he ran his fingers through his hair a couple of times--

He stopped once he realized he was primping.

"Fuck...Alright...no more dicking around." He murmured to himself and swaggered confidently to your side.

Sasha took Reiner's presence as a hint to immediately get the fuck outta there. She knew what was up, she didn't ask no questions, uh-uh. 

Funny thing is, she left you in the middle of a sentence. So you were beyond confused as she speedwalked away from you.

"(Y/N)." Reiner said from behind you.

The voice made you jump and turn around quicker than you should have. Reiner winced slightly, your face had slammed into his chest.

"Ahh!! Why are you so friggin' close!!??" You held your nose from the possible nosebleed.

"I uhh..." he seemed nervous...but not, "I need to talk to you." He smiled and took your hand before you could even respond, pulling you behind one of the many buildings that lined the field.

The night sky barely lit up the space behind the structure, the only thing you could really see was the grass at your feet, and Reiner, who'd taken his spot in front of you.

This looked too much like a rape situation.

"Um..." You said awkwardly, scratching your cheek, "What did you want to talk to me abo--!!"

You didn't finish your sentence...

Obviously.

Your life flashed before your eyes, and it took you a quick second to realize Reiner was kissing you.

OH MAH GAHD!! 

REINER WAS KISSING YOU.

For many seconds, you fought, punched his arms, tried to push him away.

It was no use, Reiner was too big, he wouldn't budge.

You couldn't help but melt into the kiss, your arms unconciously wrapping around his neck.

When Reiner knew you were finally comfortable, he pulled your slack body closer by your waist.

At least he had your consent now.

Little by little, you began to kiss back. Both your lips mashed together, smacking faintly in the night air as you both got used to the feel of each other.

With your bodies flush together, it was hard for Reiner to not want more than a simple, extensive smooch. He had you where he wanted you, guess it's time for the next step.

The feeling of Reiner's tongue gliding across your bottom lip surprised you and made you unintentionally whine. Luckily, you had understood the gesture, him sensually asking you to open your mouth made something in your abdomen flutter.

All that smut paid off to some degree.

You yourself had gained enough confidence to roam his body with your hands. Places you always wanted your hands to wander, you touched. 

You hadn't expected a throaty moan to bubble past Reiner's throat when you squeezed his butt.

It seemed to be a good thing, his tongue was hesitating, but as soon as you gripped his hind quarters, it slipped into your mouth almost immediately.  
You didn't bother even attempting to fight for dominance, Reiner knew what he was doing. You hoped he did, at least.

It was when that thought passed when he surprised you again.

You felt him lift you against his body, and wrap your legs around his waist.

Holy shit.

Your heart wtf'd and picked up to an almost deadly speed.

Then, he pressed you against the wall.

Ermahgerd.

You both spent a very long moment playfully wrestling tongues and dry humping each other before parting for air.

You didn't realize how cold it was until you noticed you could see each of your hot breaths mixing in with Reiner's. Once again, he gripped your waist as you held him by the shoulders, he kissed you, it was sloppy, sweet, and by the mere quality of it, you could tell he was getting close to being tuckered out.

When he pulled away again, the only thing holding you both together was your legs and a thinning trail of saliva that was probably mostly yours, according to Reiner sucking your sensetive tongue like a popsicle.

It was silent after that. The only noise being the combined efforts to catch your damned breath.

The manly male specimen before you had the reddest face you had ever seen on someone who wasn't angry. His mouth was ajar, and he couldn't help but press into you harder. Hot mess he was.

You probably looked the same way, but you didn't give a shit right now.

"What's happening...?" You muttered, "No one's ever kissed me like that before...Or...at all."

Reiner stared into your eyes like the answer would be within them. He found nothing...

He couldn't tell you.

He didn't want to tell you.

There's no fuckin' way he'd break the news while you were in such a euphoric state.

No way!

So instead, he gently set you down. And upon your feet touching the ground, your knees buckled. If Reiner wasn't there, you would have surely fallen.

"Woah! You alright?" Reiner's voice was laced with worry.

No shit you weren't okay! Your whole body felt like jelly, but instead of telling him that you gazed up at him, eyes lidded and clouded with some kind of lust. "Wow."

Then, you passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interesting factoid about my story: I actually have developed a plot for my brain poop and this story will have a fuckton of chapters when it's finished.
> 
> I know right!! 
> 
> THIS STORY HAS AN ENDING!!!


	13. ...What the Fuck is Happening...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of Frick Frack.
> 
> After the discovery of Levi's booty dimples, you start to question his now "odd" behavior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need prompts bro! I need prompts!!

Someone was watching you.

You weren't sure who. You weren't sure why.

But someone was watching you.  
.

 

.

 

.  
"OW!! Are you shitting me!?"

Your free time in the SurveyConLegiment mainly involved cleaning, training your literal ass off, and resisting the urge to harrass every hot guy you came across.

The latter was very difficult.

So obviously, you dropped a glass, having been distracted by Eren Jaeger's tight booty as he bent over to continue fighting that giant clump of mold behind the cupboard that no one can scrape off for some reason.

As a reflex, your hand reached out to catch it before it hit the floor.

Too bad.

It smashed into a million pieces.

The glass decided it wanted to get its revenge from you dropping it, so it sent a couple pieces of broken glass up to your hand at top speed, slicing the web between your thumb and forefinger, your palm, and you even managed to get the glass stuck in your wrist.

The pain was unbearable, yet you held your tongue and blinked away the tears that threatened to spill. Immediately, and idiotically, you tried to move your hand. Your life fluid, already draining from your hand, squirted from the cut on your palm. You yelped in pain and reeled back to face Eren, who was discarding his stained rag he was using to wipe away the mold and rush to your side.

"(Y/N)! What happened?"

You showed him with your hand, the amount of blood was enough to make you woozy. But Eren was a champ about it as he gingerly wrapped a cloth around your injuries and led you to the medical wing of the castle, dealing with your occasional cries of agony along the way.

If this was how you acted when you brutally maimed your hand, then...

Why were you in the Survey Corps..?

Oh yeah, booty.

 

When you both made it to your destination, Eren explained to the closest nurse what happened. since your injury wasn't completely fatal, you were able to be treated right there. Eren left you with the nurse after she had begun to make an attempt to pry the glass from your wrist.

Of course, life wasn't that simple, and you thrashed around like a 5 year old.

"Miss, (L/N)! P-Please hold still, the glass might lodge deeper if you squirm like that!"

The nurse, who you later discovered went by "Linden", was a bit gentler the second time around. Her eyebrows knitted together in fear of causing you anymore pain than necessary. Her appearance screamed "aged", and everytime you winced or let out an incomprehensible murmur from the more than ocassional sting, she'd look up and give you a warm, reassuring smile.

Nurse Linden reminded you of a grandma. You relaxed under her gaze everytime and let her continue inching the glass out of your bloody mess of a wrist until the pain became unbearable. Eventually, the glass was safely removed and thrown into the trash to rot and think about what it has done.

Linden then proceeded to clot the bleeding with a rag doused in some liquid that made the cuts sting. After that, you were cleaned off, and you knew the part you were dreading was upon you at her next words.

"Alright, Miss (L/N), I'm going to staple the webbing between your fingers back together, and you might need some stitches in your wrist. It may hurt...a lot."

.

 

.

 

.  
"Jean, my hand hurts...."

Jean hummed as he feigned acknowledgement of your statement.

"Jean, I know you're not really listening..." He hummed again, his eyes fixed on something across the field. Your slow ass took note of this, gently gripping your tightly bandaged hand as you mimicked Senpai's gaze toward the horizon. Corproal Levi was tending to his horse. The black beauty was saddled up, nibbling on his fingers almost lovingly as a pre-ride treat. 

"What are you ogling Levi for?" an unknowing grin tugged at your lips. Jean's honey eyes shot towards you. With his crossed arms and serious grimace, the smile on your face was wiped clean off. The nervous glint in his eyes had also caught you off guard. When Jean gave you that look, you shut the fuck up and paid _attention._

"Jean?"

It took you saying his name for his cogs to begin spinning again. He looked back to his superior, who was undoubtedly staring right back, causing his eyes to widen a fraction in surprise. 

You followed Jean's eyes once again, only to find Levi hoppin' on dat horse without a second glance and riding off.

Jean grunted and turned on his heel. "Tch..."

Not expecting him to just suddenly leave, a stangled "Hey!" left your lips and you grabbed onto his wrist in your gorilla grip. You were mindful to keep your injured hand at your chest, the other tugging him back to face you.

When he turned, you made a face, "What's with the sudden change in attitude? Something happen between you two or something?" 

The taller boy yanked his arm from your grasp and quirked his brow at you, "There's no way you're that unobservant."

You shrugged and went back to idly rubbing the gauze on your hand. Ever since the ache in your wrist had dulled, you still weren't able to stop yourself from rubbing at the former throbbing wound through the bandages. Much to the horse boy's dismay, it made you seem fragile the way you shriveled up and looked to your feet as you massaged your hand. His irritation, not for your incompitence, but your current shy stance, was shown clearly on his face as he waited for you to voice your response.

"Well...what am I not clairvoiantly seeing, horseface?"

Jean grunted again and sassily placed his hands on his hips, dramatically looking off toward the spot Levi had disappeared from. "He's been staring at you a lot lately."

You snorted, "Why do you care?"

However on the inside, you were fangirling like hell.

OHMAHGAWD.

LEVI WAS INTERESTED IN YOU.

EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHY.

OMG.

LEEEEEVVVVIIIII!!!

"My body is ready..." You muttered under your breath.

Jean mouthed a "What?", but decided against questioning you anyway.

"No reason." He said, trying to unhear the odd declaration.

Your eyebrows knitted together in combination with a grin one can only be described as "creepy" as you gazed out into the distance. "Bitch, you love me, you jelly that I might actually accept the Captain's love and turn you down?"

Your cheeks burned, and your heart was pounding at the romantic scenario before you. 

The sun was setting as two potential lovers, both sarcastic, perverted "tsunderes", delving into a conversation about jealousy. It was bound to end in a kiss.

The situation was almost a fanfiction come true. It made something in your stomach jump in excitement.

Your happiness was very much interruped by Jean snorting.

"Lol, no."

As soon as the words left his mouth, he was walking away, leaving you forlorn and gazing towards him in exasperation.  
.

 

 

.

 

.  
The next day....

Satan decided to say hi.

By seeping out of your vagina for the next couple of days.

You had woken up to a small puddle of red stuck to your sheets and butt. It was the most embarrassing way to get out of bed that morning, and a horrible way to start your day. 

Also, the fact that your outfit for EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. involved wearing white pants was upsettling enough. It was going to be hell walking around, running laps, and flying around at the speed of sound while trying to keep a makeshift pad in place.

When you had left your room to discard the bloody sheets, all the while trying your best not to rub them in the face of an obnoxiously loud and gafawing Sasha Braus, you ran into Levi.

Literally. 

Your hand, to your surprise, was now numb to any pain whatsoever, but you still refused to remove the bandages until the day Old Lady Linden told you to go do so in the medical wing. And even though your hand was probably still functioning just like your meat wallet underneath the pressure of the gauze, there was no pain, so you could hold the bundle of cloth with both hands. And luckily, because of your awesome hand, the sheets didn't unfold and fall to the floor, showing off your shame to the attractive male before you, who could already see the stain peeking out from some of the folds.

The sight of his face brought the image of those dimples you had yet to see on that hot butt of his, turning your face even redder. You sighed, catching his eyes shooting down to the blood on your sheets. You were already embarrassed as it was, you weren't in the mood to be happy-go-lucky today.

"I would salute you, Captain, but my arms are full of bloody sheets that I have to wash and get drying before I can eat breakfast, so...."

You went to walk around his confused form, but he only sidestepped, blocking your way. His trademark glare was pointed to you for a brief second and then back to the sheets.

"Who was bleeding on those sheets, cadet?"

If you weren't in serious mode, embarrassed and desperately trying to hide your reddened face from the world, you would have laughed. However, this question, a question you knew he would ask at some point, made you curl up further into your indignity. The reluctance obvious in your body language to answer.

Levi's eyes narrowed even further, his voice stern as he repeated the question.

A meek "Me, sir." left your quivering lips. Your eyes were now closed, unwilling to look at the man, who probably had no idea what you were going through right now.

The raven haired man looked over your body for any sign of injury. Your uniform was pressed and crisp against your person, as you'd bathed and gotten dressed before leaving to clean the sheets. You seemed fine for the most part, but then he noticed your legs, pressed together firmly.

He understood then, his lips that were usually pressed together tightly, formed an "o" shape as he nodded and mouthed in realization. And when you felt him take the sheets from you and gather them in his own arms, your eyes opened so quickly...

You reached for the sheets with the intention of taking them back. "N-No, sir, I-I c-can--"

"No, you piece of shit," His glare was harsh, and it made you pull back instantly, "Go eat something and I'll take care of this...this....'mess'..." 

With that, he strutted away, quick, confident stride and all. You were red faced and mortified beyond belief. But you were more confused then anything.

"What the fuck just happened?" You asked yourself.


	14. Bazinga Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin is now your best girl friend.

It was obvious that Mikasa wasn't your biggest fan. In fact, your biggest fan was probably Krista.

  She liked everyone after all.

 Ever since you'd started hangin' around Eren, she'd give you all sorts of dirty looks that you had thought you never deserved. Mikasa would still walk with you to breakfast; as long as Eren was nearby at least...

  She'd also carry out conversations with you. If it weren't for that dark and pissed off undertone she let loose whenever she spoke in your presence, it would seem like nothing was wrong.

  Her resting bitchface wasn't helping either.

  Still, nothing majorly bad happened because of her attitude towards you. So your natural response to the situation was to just shrug it off and leave it alone.

  As long as you weren't the one kicking Eren in the face in that courtroom, you were fine.

At least that's what you thought.

 

Mikasa seemed to regret your existence. She really did, and in all honestly, you were scared shitless that she was going to murder you and toss you in the lake not that far off into the forest.

It was a legit rational fear and you wouldn't let anyone tell you otherwise.

.

 

 

.

 

 

.  
One fateful day, when you were rudely awakened to the Oriental tossing you off your bed in a very bitchy attempt to wake you up, you reluctantly (and very sleepily) got dressed and literally had to toss yourself out of the barracks so you could walk with the Shiganshina trio to the mess hall.

Like always, they were right outside, Eren enthusiastically waving you over, Armin giving a half smile, and Mikasa glaring off to the side.

With lidded, tired eyes, you let out a yawn and shuffled over to them.

Let the walking commence!

"You alright, (Y/N)? You look really tired." Armin inquired before anyone else could note your condition.

 

Your hands met your face, making an attempt to rub the sleep out of your eyes. You didn't sleep very well last night, the stiff mattress not even contributing to any kind of comfort, and your ribs smashing against the hardwood floor earlier wasn't the greatest feeling according to your now screaming and possibly bruised bones.

 

Your response was a mere groan.

 

Armin didn't question any further.

Now nearing the mess hall, where kids from all wakes of life were just shoving through each other to simply get to the shitty food that was served, you stopped and sat on one of the steps that led up to the doorway, too tired to shove through the crowd like you usually did. You weren't even that hungry anyway.

Armin found a seat next to you, Eren staying to shove through trainees and Mikasa too attached to Eren to leave his side.

Beside you, Armin's voice barely registered in your ears, "I'm sensing a problem, you're usually awake for the most part when we go to breakfast."

There was really no reason to beat around the bush. Mikasa's shit was becoming agonizing and very annoying on your part.

"Armin, I'm tired. I'm so very....very...tired," You blinked at him slowly, taking in his girly features as you slumped over in some sleepy stupor, "Mikasa's being mean to me and I think Eren is the reason for it. Oh help me, He Man...you're like...my therapist now."

It was true that Armin hardly strayed from his two closest friends, and ever since you came into the picture, his life became more spontaneous in a sense. 

At first, he didn't care much for you, provided your need to ignore both him and Mikasa and cling to Eren like an obsessed friendzonee. However, as you started getting bored of the mundane routine of Eren Jaeger; fighting with Jean on a daily basis for literally no reason, and listening to him rage, complain and give speeches all day, Armin seemed like your third best choice for companionship.

Yeah, Connie, Marco and Reiner provided an awesome posse.

And yeah, Jean seemed to be noticing your antics.

But Armin provided advice and things you needed like shit that was philosophical to balance out your crazy.

Also, if Armin was being honest with himself, he preferred your company over Eren's... over Mikasa's. You wouldn't listen to him when he told you something extremely important, but that was beside the point. The blond legitimately felt half naked wading in the forest was a weird but nice change.

So yeah.

"How can I be of service?"

He of all people would want to help you.

"Bazinga. Hit me with all the friendship advice that you got stuffed in that cute head of yours."

Armin puffed his cheeks at the "cute head" part, but didn't make a fuss out of it as he stood up and gestured for you to follow. "There's less people now, we'll talk while we're getting food."

Nothing was really said until you got to your table; Armin had mentioned sitting away from his friends so you both could talk alone. An empty table near the middle of the mess hall had to suffice, and you waited there, poking at your food while he notified the two before coming over to sit with you with a very conspicuous smile on his face.

The look you gave him was nothing short of disturbed. You akwardly took a bite of the stale bread on your tray, not relenting against Armin's creepy face with your own challenging stare.

"Dude, you only make that face when you're about to psychologically mindfuck someone with your smartness powers...." You waggled your fingers for dramatic effect, "Please don't mindfuck me...I appreciate my lack of cognitive dissonance."

With this, Armin's smile fell into a confused frown, "I don't think my intelligence ranks so high...Um...And even if they did, you'd be the last person I'd 'mindfuck'." 

"Armin, don't swear," You casually leaned forward against the table, blank-faced and bread in hand as you chomped off a piece once more, "It's bad for kawaii boys like you."

Armin's face grew a light shade of red, as from previous experiences, he understood what you meant, especially with the superior persona your body language was giving off, "(Y/N)..." He whined.

It was your turn to become flustered. Dropping the bread into your plainly flavored oatmeal,(which you refused to eat from the blandness) you looked away, hands shooting up defensively across the table as you dropped your head in embarrassment, "A-Armin... stahp! My ovaries can't take it!

Armin, now also on the defensive, sputtered his next words as both his hands met his forehead, "Then stop teasing me!"

"Let's just continue on about what we're actually sitting alone here for and forget this happened, yeah?"

Armin remained silent, nodding his response.

"G-Good," you muttered, lifting your head, but still refusing to look in his direction in fear that weirdly yaoi-like expression of his would return if your eyes shifted, "So what had you smiling a minute ago?"

The memory seemed to have jolted Armin. He sprung up, mouth ajar and an oddly suspicious sparkle in his eye.

"Bazinga!" 

What the fu-

You turned your head to look at him and quirked a brow, "Bazinga?"

"Bazinga."


	15. Truffle Butter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You discover a mysterious bag of chocolates by your pillow.
> 
> There is an all out war between the sexes as a result.
> 
> But Levi intervenes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had this chapter written out for a while....
> 
>  
> 
> I'm just a lazy procrastinator?
> 
>  
> 
> I sowwy...

It was ridiculously cold during winter. You weren't sure how you were going to survive the nights unless you found a way to successfully sneak into the male dorms to cuddle with Bertolt. 

You would even learn to get past the sweating thing. It was too cold not to.

It was hard sleeping at night due to the temperature, but when you did fall asleep, it was a few hours before it was time to get up, and the lack of an 8 hour rest had you crabby and pissed off all day until you could go to sleep again.

There was that one blessed time Mikasa had invited Eren up from his cell for a quick boardgame or something with Armin and the brunette had manipulated his way into your bed.

Yeezus bless Eren for his heavenly, perfect body temperature for cold weather.

He slept with you that night, and it was as close a cuddle session as you would get out of Eren. It was maybe even the best sleep you've ever had, but maybe thanking him the next morning was the weirdest thing you could do to someone who's barely awake.

The look on his face was priceless, and possibly something you'd never forget.

You would also never forget Mikasa's jealous sneer.  
.

.

.

From then on, Eren dropped by to occasionally sleep with either of the two of you-- having missed a "comfy" bed and all, only to leave at the ungodly hour of 4 a.m. to sneak back into his cell. You prided yourself with the fact that he found your bunk the most appealing to sleep in. And always expected him to come to your bunk when he entered the room you shared with 12 other girls. Luckily, they didn't care enough to question why the titan boy was sneaking into their room to sleep with one of their room mates.

'Sleep with'.

It didn't sound right.

Whatever.

One morning after a very warm night's sleep, as usual, you awoke to Eren's absence on the other side of the bed. Only to be replaced with a small red bag of candies.

You didn't take Eren as the type to leave parting gifts, chocolates especially. You recognized the bag's contents to be Lindor, and were surprised to find out that they existed at all here.

Without much questioning on your part--minus the most obvious "where did Eren get the money for these" inquiry--You sat up in your bed and opened the bag.

Even the wrapping over the truffle balls was on point, exactly how you always bought them in previous years. When you weren't a broke ass weeaboo. 

All the other girls either were still asleep or completely gone. So you didn't feel that bad about popping one or two into your mouth, the creamy texture and riveting taste making and audible moan bubble from your chest.

"Mmm...Eren, I'm gonna kiss you so passionately when I see you...." You uttered between each blissed out smack of your lips, rolling the truffle around in your mouth and savoring its caramel flavor.

You sank back into your only slightly comfortable bedding, only for your mouthgasm to be interrupted by the sudden thought of the one person you should be sharing this with.

"Yes yes yes yes yes yes!!" You chanted as you hopped out of bed, the bag gripped tightly in your hands as you tossed on the articles of your uniform. Before you could throw yourself out of the dorm however...

"(Y/N)! Are those chocolates? Let me have one before you go." The voice of Sasha Braus stopped you right in your tracks.

Oh, right.

Sasha slept right over you.

And her sense of smell rivaled a blood hound's.

You audibly groaned and fished out a truffle. Hurling it at her with all the strength your drowsy throwing arm would allow.

Sasha being Sasha, caught it without the slightest complaint towards your angry toss. And as you left the room, you heard her squeal in utter delight (the truffle's doing, no doubt), likely waking all the girls in there at once.

Now began your journey to feed your bae chocolate sent down from Thomas, the Train God himself. You nearly fell down the stairs you ran down them so fast. You were en route to the mess hall, and nothing would stop you from--..

You crashed into Connie.

The bag went flying as the two of you fell on your asses from the sudden collision. And it fell between you both, spilling out a small pile in front of Connie, who seemed to have forgotten the crash entirely and was now mouthgasming from the pure goodness of the truffle.

"Ohmaigawwww, (Y/N), where did you get these!?" He yelled.

You didn't answer. Your main concern were the truffles, so you leapt forward and gathered the small pile back into the bag before standing, kicking Connie in the shin, and speeding straight into the mess hall.

"Bae! BAE, where are you!?"

Your bae was nowhere to be found, so you sought out Armin instead.

He was sitting by his lonesome, and you briefly wondered where Mikasa could possibly be during this time since she wasn't in her bed when you woke up. Instead of dwelling on it though, you took her absence as a good sign and sat next to him on the bench.

His seating choice was far removed from the rest of the mess hall. You should have picked up on the social cue he was presenting to the world, but you usually didn't do that, and was caught off guard when he flinched and a small yelp left his mouth.

"Waaahh! H-Hey, Armin." Anxiously, your fingers clutched and smoothed over the bag's texture.

Armin just stared at you. His eyes were widened slightly as if you'd just snapped him out of a daydream. Which was partly true due to the book he was now gripping closed against his chest, "H-Hi..."

For a second you forgot why you even decided to bother him. But with quick recollection, remembered the bag in your stiff hands. Fervently, your hand dove into the bag and pulled out a single chocolate ball, catching more than the blonde's attention, and held it out to him.

"What's this?"

"Just eat it. Put the whole thing in your mouth and let the chocolate take over."

Armin's impressively thick eyebrows lifted, folding his forehead into 6 neat folds that you worried would be imprinted into his flawless and smooth face for all eternity. But that was short lived when he finally took the candy ball.

"Sure."

You squee'd and bounced in your seat during the whole process of unwrapping the plastic.

He put it in his mouth, tested the texture, let it melt, then he smiled an approving smile that made your heart leap upon swallowing. Though it wasn't the reaction you were expecting, it was still satisfactory, and had you pulling out another truffle for him.

Before either of you could say anything however, Sasha, and a few other girls-- some you recognized to be Ymir, Krista, and a broad platinum blonde you nicknamed 'Jasper' burst into the mess hall, all led by Mikasa of course, and you could tell just by looking at them that they were on the prowl for something.

Mikasa scanned the mess hall earnestly, Jasper flanking her side like a bodyguard, eagerly looking about for a target of some sort. When she spotted you, she made haste in turning the oriental's attention in the same direction. You were rooted in place by Mikasa's cold gaze.

She approached, your eyes not leaving her growing form, muscles locked. By Sasha's presence, you could tell this was most likely about the truffles, and you immediately regretted being born in that moment. The mess hall became deathly silent.

The group of girls followed Mikasa to your and Armin's spot, stopping about two feet away from the bench.

"Can I have a truffle?" Mikasa's question was so simple it was legendary, and since you both were on decent terms as of late, you couldn't refuse such politeness. You'd half expected her to just snatch it out of your trembling fingers and walk away to feast upon the spoils with the small group behind her. Jasper's glare dared you to say no.

You relented, nodding a silent consent before reaching in the bag. The room was still eerily quiet and all eyes were on you, causing you to shift uncomfortably from the tingly sensation of being watched. You handed Mikasa the wrapped truffle, which she bounced experimentally in her hand and unwrapped the plastic in such a graceful way, it almost looked like an art. When she plopped the chocolate into her mouth, you weren't expecting her to blush faintly, utter a muffled and oddly sensual "mmmm" and walk away, satisfied. Her posse didn't follow.

A series of Can I have one's and Me too's erupted from the girls and you were more than disgruntled by the fact that you were almost halfway through the large bag. If you just randomly handed a truffle out to everyone, you wouldn't have any left for bae. You looked to Armin for assistance. 

He was gone.

You cursed under your breath, grabbed a very selfish handful of truffles, and threw it at the group before booking it.

The boys in the mess hall all gathered to fight for a taste of these truffles, but the ones smart enough to know they had no chance against teeth, nails, and hair conditioner, all chased after you. Throwing individual truffles at them as you ran was the best possible defense you could come up with against these ravenous cronies.

You'd run for five minutes before giving in.

.

 

 

.

 

.

You walked back to the girl's section of the castle staring dejectedly at your almost empty Lindor/Lindt bag. You couldn't find bae anywhere and you were tempted to eat the rest of the truffles yourself. You'd only given each faction a mere handful of your candy, and they're all likely ripping each other's throats out just for the slightest nibble. You didn't let it escape your mind that they'll possibly be back for more.

You sighed and blamed Eren. He'd been missing in action during all of this after all.

Some very assholish prank to get back at you for...

For....?

Whatever it was you did this time. You couldn't remember, you did a lot of shit. To a lot of people.

You sighed again, grabbing a truffle and holding the bag under your arm.

You aimed to eat it as you unwrapped it, but a soft collision into a broad chest stopped you. You reeled back in terror. Someone did come back for more.

"OMAIGAWD, JUST TAKE THE WHOLE BAG!" You held out said bag, not even wanting to look your attacker in the eye.

He was silent for the most part. So you stared at his boots, waiting for an answer. It never came.

Confused, you looked up. Your initial fear was wiped clean off your face at the sight of your bae.

"*Wheeze* Hey! I've been looking all over for you."

Bae huffed and crossed his arms. "What for? I've been out and about doing important things..."

"Here!" Too excited for the typical banter, you handed him the truffle and bounced excitedly as he rolled it around in a calloused hand.

"What the hell is this?"

"Take off the wrapping and find out!"

Raising a plucked brow, bae humored you. Peeling off the wrapping just as Mikasa had, only slower and more cautiously, his eyes still on you when he placed the truffle ball in his mouth and tried it it a bit more....quickly.

He stiffened. You were almost sold on the idea that you accidentally poisoned him, but he....blushed.

Like Mikasa had.

Then he moaned.

Like Mikasa had. But louder.

Then, he snatched the bag from you and ran in the opposite direction. Toward his office.

JUST LIKE MIKASA HA--

Wait, no...

You made chase.

"L-LEVI!! WAIT!!"


	16. Love Me Softer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I like twists. Do you like twists?

"L-Levi..." 

The breathy moan that left your mouth surprised you, but the feeling was short lived as lips left your surprisingly sensitive neck and down to your equally sensetive clavicle.

You couldn't see his face, but you could tell that there was a lack of any acknowledgement of your whimpers and stifled mewls. There was no movement indicating the stretch of a smirk on his parted lips, or even a frown. You could feel, however, when his teeth gently scraped against your exposed skin.

Your jacket had been discarded, tossed on the floor somewhere. The straps on your torso hanging to your sides to free the movement of your blouse. Levi is taking the time, without any explaination, to leave his mark on your neck, shoulders, and your upper breasts, just above the chest binding.

The man's hands are gripping your hips, digging in so roughly you're sure it'll leave some bruises. But you don't mind all that much. It's not like you haven't got an assload of those. Even with the pain, you understand he can't help it, to pull you close so desperately, so possessively.

Your hands find his arms, smoothing up to his shoulders, then to his nape and up further until your trembling fingers gently fondle the stubble of his undercut and tangle into the unkept mass of matted hair that so desperately needs washing.

You don't mind though, he'll bathe when he feels he can.

You can't fight the feeling of wrongness and disgust that's lodged deeply within your gut from this encounter. You also can't help but try your hardest to disregard it. So you cling to Levi, hold him tighter than you've ever held any teddy bear. He needs to know you're there, because you've stopped making noise and his mouth is closed and he's gone still. It's unnerving and a part of you dies when he begins to weep into your chest.

This was a first. A first that you dreaded, considering the circumstances. 

The pair of you are decorated in blood, of others or yours, you don't have the mental capacity at the moment to remember. What you do remember, though, is that a part from having literally failed the expedition (though some would claim partial success due to the newfound discovery of titan intelligence) his friends were dead, again, and one of the only people he cared for had almost been left behind to bleed to death in a puddle of vomit and death.

Of all the things to experience...

You wouldn't doubt that Levi would be even more traumatized than he already has been his whole life. And you didn't doubt, not with a single thread of your being that this whole situation would effect the lot of you in a not so nice way. You had deliberately disobeyed him, and almost gotten yourself killed in the process.

Not only did you feel stupid, you felt like you should have died for your stupidity.

Levi should have been furious with you. He should have yelled until he lost his voice, tore his bedroom and his office upside down just to prove his point, to express his disdain for your actions. Erwin should have left you to rot, to wallow in your failure. But Erwin hoisted you up on his horse and brought you back to Levi.

Levi wasn't furious with you. He didn't yell at you. He didn't make any move to destroy anything in his space when presented with your lame ass excuses. He just held you, and cried.

Guilt smacked you in the face like a whip when this realization hit you.

Levi was being put through more stress than he deserved, because of you.

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes. The bandages wrapped around your waist rubbing against the gash on your back, the wound screaming as you hugged Levi tighter. Your eyes burned, your throat hurt, Levi reciprocated.

"Levi, I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking."

His hands found your abdomen, your hold not relenting, but something in your chest constricting from the touch.

"They're s-still there...I promise..."

"You'd better hope so..." was his soft reply.

 

The only thing he'd said to you in hours.


	17. Bazinga Part 2: A Pot of Punch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin gives you advice.
> 
> You take it seriously.
> 
> Kind of.

The counsel Armin had given you was very vague and not as helpful as you wished it would be. As a matter of fact, he didn't even tell you where to get the provisions to craft whatever it was to win Mikasa's affections.

First Jean, now Mikasa, sheesh.

Friending was hard sometimes.

You spent one agonizing day away from the three amigos thinking about what you liked that was easily craftable within the barracks. Something that could impress Mikasa. The only feasable thing that you could even think Mikasa ever showed interest in was Eren. Just the thought of Mikasa's unrequited crush brought on the crushing urge to bite your nails, an old habit that you believed died with your old life.

Speaking of your old life...

"That's it!!" You cried aloud, quickly lifting yourself off your chair and sending the cleaning rag and mop you had currently forgotten askew on the floor.

Oh right.

"I'm supposed to be cleaning the Mess..." 

Before you even had time to process another thought, a small creak from the far left side of the Mess hall had you frozen like a deer in headlights. Whether you were going to get a dribbling earful from Shadis or an even worse punishment than cleaning the always disgusting dining area three times a week by yourself....

You didn't want to look him in his scary, hallow eyes when he gave you the news.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, YOU SLACKING CUMMGUZZLER!!??" 

Your body still frozen and shaking with terror, your eyes make out the illuminated figure of Keith Shadis, looming ferociously within the crack of the doorway he's very tightly holding open. One hallow, beady eye trained on your form and quivering as if to translate his anger. 

The only sassy thing you could come up with considering your condition in a shuddering voice is, "Cleaning, sir."

"Is that sass I hear in your wimpy ass tone, Cadet?"

"No, sir."

The eyebrowless patch of skin furrowed, "Then get your SORRY EXCUSE FOR AN ASS MOVING AND HAVE THIS WHOLE AREA SPOTLESS IN HALF AN HOUR!!"

Then boom, he was gone.

You wasted no time in moving around the tables.

 

Later, after having your cleaning duties extended another month or so, you found your way into the kitchen. You'd never been in there aside from washing dishes; you never really got a good look around the place. Not ever wasting time with dishes after all, and usually bolted after the last spoon.

The kitchen was fairly more impressive than was expected of a poorly designed, post apocalyptic military kitchen. And you doubted they had any kind of fruit in stock, but you still needed to look.

Drawer after drawer, cabinet after cabinet, the only thing you could find was a half molded over orange and a bruised apple.

Holding the two fixer uppers in your hands, you decided they'd have to do.

"These'll work...hopefully." You mused.

You were about to get to work when a shadow a few feet away nearly made you faint. You ended up clutching the fruit a bit to hard in your silent terror, crushing the orange...or...what was left of it.

The shadow came closer, a bit hastily. The poor lighting of the room only giving you moonlight to work with.

"Hey, (Y/N)! I didn't know you snuck in here too! What'cha find?"

Sasha emerged from the darkness, smiling.

You let out a hefty breath.

"Sasha... You scared the shit out of me."

"Well at least you're not backed up!"

You huffed and slouched your shoulders, moving to fish out some supplies from the drawer. Sasha said nothing, inquiry forgotten, and went to raid some cupboards.

Another look at the squished, moldy orange and you remembered you had an expert hunter-gatherer in the kitchen with you. She probably knew where all the good-good was and could help you on your mission.

You pulled your hand out of the drawer and turned to see Sasha lodged within the oven down to her waist. You stared at her, slack- jawed, and when she wiggled out with a burlap sack in her hands, you dropped the apple and it tumbled limply across the floor. 

Finding your voice, you whispered, "Sasha, what's in that bag and how did you know it was stashed in there??" When you assumed she knew where the good shit was, you were joking.

With a shit-eating grin, the brunette lifted the sack over her shoulder and padded over to you with excited steps.

"There's a false wall at the back of the oven.They usually keep fruit in there before they go to candy it after hours. I guess no one felt like doing it tonight. Sometimes," Sasha dropped the sack between you and seemed to be even more hyper than when she came in. You could have even swore drool was dribbling down her chin, "There's meat and other food stashed in there. It's like Christmas!"

You were at a loss for words. She must have seen the staff loading food in there when they thought nobody was around. Leave it up to Sasha Braus to discover all the hiding spots.

You peered into the sack and gaped at what you saw.

Oranges, apples, pears. All the good shit.

You took a few and thanked Sasha profusely, who was thoroughly confused but accepted your proclamations of love anyway.

"Remind me to mack you later." You added, and not waiting for a response, grabbed a tea kettle and a bowl before going straight to work.

"Aren't you gonna need a mortar and pestle?"

"The flying fuck are those?"  
.  
.  
.  
.  
"(Y/N), what is this?" Said Mikasa as you set the tea kettle and a cup full of fruity liquid in front of her.

You smiled, ignoring Armin's accusing eyes and Eren's eager ones. Naturally, you'd stolen the kettle for safe keeping under your bunk, and stole Mikasa's cup while she was in the middle of drinking water that breakfast. Now, as mealtime is nearing its end, Mikasa will taste your very own homemade punch.

"Mornin' Mika! I made a pot of fruit punch for you!"

"A pot? Of punch?" She said slowly, her eyes not leaving the suspicious liquid.

You nodded profusely, even though she couldn't see it. 

"Yeah, it's juice."

Mikasa rolled her eyes and looked at you in an aloof sort of disbelief.

"You don't make a POT of juice."

Your joyous expression fell and you looked to Armin for help. He said nothing, however, and raised his eyebrows, egging you on to an explanation. You returned your gaze to Mikasa, who was staring at you impatiently.

"W-well uh...I did."

"Is it hot?" She poked the cup curiously.

You shrugged, "I had to keep the kettle safe under my bed so...maybe, maybe not."

The young beauty crossed her arms and furrowed her thin eyebrows, effectively glaring at you, "It's hot isn't it?"

"Yeah?" You tried, twiddling your thumbs nervously behind your back.

"Hot fruit juice?" 

Mikasa didn't seem all that impressed, and your stomach suddenly felt heavy.

"There wasn't any ice around!" You said defensively.

With that, she gently pushed the cup and kettle at the edge of the table, toward you, "I'm not thirsty anyway."

"Mikasa!"

"I'm not drinking it!"

Your cheeks puffed up defiantly, but her glare shot you down with an extra overkill and you shrank. She didn't even want to try it?

"But...I made this for you."

"NO."

Suddenly, anger spilled over and you couldn't help hut stomp your foot indignantly.

"DRINK IT!"

"NO!"

"I want you to drink this Mikasa!" 

Eren and Armin remained silent.

"I MADE THIS FOR YOUUU!!!"

Mikasa stood and got so close your faces were mere inches apart, and she jabbed you firmly in your chest, "Why don't you just leave us alone?" She growled.

Eren started to stand, "Mika-"

"I CAN'T!!! BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!"

The whole room went quiet.

As if that odd declaration didn't fall to her ears, she held a straight face and jabbed you again.

"Well I'm not gonna drink it!" She repeated.

At this point, you were sure you were red in the face. Mikasa just not even considering giving you a chance pissed you off even more.

"I HATE YOU!!!"

" Go away!"

"You. Drink this. RIGHT. NOOOW!!!" You bellowed, pointing furiously at the kettle.

"DRINK YOUR OWN HOT JUICE!" 

Just...done, you threw your hands up in the air in exasperation and exclaimed, "There's so much left of it! What am I gonna do with all this hot juice!?"

"DRINK IT, YOU IDIOT!"

"NO!!"

"YES!"

"NOO!!!"

There was a pause, and Mikasa took that chance to begin walking away. But you were fast enough to catch her arm, and while she was off guard, you pulled her close enough that your noses touched. You glared at each other for a second, but in the deafening silence, the sound of soft slurping caught both of your attention. You both looked to the sound of the noise, and found Eren, with a soft smile on his face, having just drank the juice.

"It's good." He said, handing you the cup.

You took it, gladly, and gave Mikasa's wide-eyed expression a well deserved smug grin.

When all seriousness returned, you gently pressed the beverage to Mikasa's chest.

"Mikasa," you whispered, "Please. Drink. The goddamn. Hot. Juice."

Mikasa gave you a look that was the complete opposite of her initial surprise. Backing away from you, she snatched the cup and took a sip, albeit reluctantly. When she parted her lips from the rim of the cup, her face went blank again, and she sat down heavily at the table.

"It's good," she muttered, "....It's good."

You smiled triumphantly.

"What the fuck just happened??" You heard Jean utter amongst the crowd.


	18. Bertholt Luver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkwardly spending the night outside with Bertholt has the weirdest outcome.

You knew there was something off about the day when Mikasa actually smiled at you when you approached her, Eren and your main bitch Armin. You knew the day was off when Shadis hadn't even spared you a glare during roll call. You knew the day was off when breakfast and lunch went by without a single peep from Eren or Jean. And most of all...

You knew the day was off when Bertholt asked you to meet him outside the barracks after dinner.

Your heart was thrumming, and your whole body felt tense the rest of the meal, and not for the reasons you wished.

You were terrified. You wouldn't even trust Bertholt with your bra, let alone your time.

But a half decent person would at least see what he wanted. So of course when he asked you to meet him, you couldn't say no.

While you ate, you noticed he looked a bit more nervous than he usually did, extra gallons of sweat and all. Both Annie and Reiner either had noticed and chose to ignore it, or they were so used to it they hadn't noticed at all. Either way, you knew the bench was gaining a weird wet spot from all the perspiration.

The thought made you giggle to yourself.

But then you remembered he was one of the main causes of all this bullshit and immediately started frowning.

You hardly frowned.

"(Y/N), you look tense." 

For the past few seconds you forgot you were in the mess hall, seated with your two default friends, Connie and Sasha. Even Sasha stopped eating to see what was up with you.

You didn't respond and instead looked at the Titan table.

Bertholt was still sweating, not eating, and staring at his food. 

Reiner was in the middle of voicing his concern, but you couldn't really make out what he was saying what with all the other side conversations flooding your ear holes.

"I'm just pissed because Bert's a fucking clod." You growled.

Connie made a mom face, you know, the kind of mom face that a mom makes when you do crack when she told you not to, the 'I told you so' kind of mom face.

"When I gave you that compliment a while ago, that wasn't an invitation to go around flaunting your curvacious and oh so fabulous flab to all the boys. They're all so easily enticed." He mused.

Understanding instantly, you flushed red to the tips of your ears and shoved a guffawing Connie on the shoulder. 

"That's not what I mean, dick!"

Sasha watched you both as she slowly ate, eying your "flab' curiously.

She managed to get an eyeful before you quickly finished your food and left the building to fetch a towel from the dorms.  
  
Through Connie's questioning exclaimation, one short glance at the other table gave you the impression Bertholt was watching you leave.   
  
That towel would come in handy.

When you snatched up the bundle of cloth from your bed and made your way out again, Bertholt was dragging his feet in your direction, more quickly than you'd imagine a shuffler to go. So you paused.

Then he paused.

So then you both stood there and stared at each other, Bertholt nervous and yourself very intense.

He almost looked like a kicked puppy, you may have eased up your pissed off expression due to this.

It seriously must have been your face, because he seemed to have relaxed a bit shortly after.

  " _What_ do you want?" You said more harshly than intended.

  Bertholt pursed his lips and visibly shrank at your demanding tone. He gathered enough courage to come closer and did just that before responding with, "I want to tell you something."

Your eyebrows lifted. Intrigued, because it was deafeningly obvious he had something to say, you descended the steps of the mounted building and looked up at the tall boy. It was a height you found mildly attractive but you'd never say that out loud without some kind of incentive.

"Then say it."   
  
He hesitated, and your eyes narrowed.

"It's stifling....sleeping in the barracks. All that body heat from everyone else makes it really hard to get comfortable."

And?

"And?"

Bertholt swallowed hard and looked off to the side. He jerked his head towards the adjacent buildings.

"I feel like it's more comfortable to camp out behind them. I don't like sleeping out here by myself though."

"Well shit, sounds like you have a problem." You spat.

In the bright glow of the moonlight, you saw his tan face burn red as he returned his gaze to you. If his expression wasn't legitimate, Bertholt was an expert at the sad small animal face. The Puss in Boots sad eyes that got you every time.

You mentally kicked yorself in the dick for giving in.

"What? You want me to sleep out here with you?"

With his chin tucked into his neck, eyes never leaving yours and bigger and more pouty than ever, he uttered a meek, "Yes..."

You were kind of, but not really, expecting that.

In shock, you said the first thing you could think of.

"Me? Seriously!? Why the hell would you want  **me** to sleep with you?"

His face became an even brighter shade of red and the sweat was dribbling like he'd just done the ice bucket challenge. His gaze shot to his feet and you noticed he had his hands behind his back, almost locked there.

 "I...I like you. Reiner doesn't want to lay out here on the ground and neither does Annie. You're the only girl I thought would...agree."

"So you don't like any dudes, Bert?" You scratched the back of your head indecisively, actually a bit concerned, "You're kinda putting me on the spot here."

The look on his face as he burned holes into the ground with his eyes made you frustrated. Mainly due to the fact that it was compelling you to humor him.

"I said I l-liked you didn't I?" His arms came forward and he crossed them stiffly, though it did little to express assertion because of his timid stance.

Oh.

You sighed.

"You have a crush on me Bert?"

"Mm.."

"And your asshole friends don't want to give you company out here in the dark, so you come to the closest person outside of your circle that you trust to do what they won't?"

He nodded.

"You have a fucking crush on me Bertholt?"

He didn't answer.   
  
Another sigh.

.

.

.

So that's how you found yourself lying next to Bertholt on that breezy night, unable to fall asleep because of the cold.

You're so nice when it doesn't even call for it.

Your back hurt from the stiffness of the hard dirt ground. And you were still mad at Bertholt for kicking shit that shouldn't be kicked.

You're also expecting a repeat of that time you went behind these exact buildings to have a smooch with Reiner.

And your feet were cold, you wanted to put your boots back on but they're for walking, not resting in. Your blanket was completely failing at its job.   
  
And right then, the only source of warmth would be the ever sweaty Bertholt Hoover/Fubar (whatever the fuck his name is).

Having seen no other option for survival, you inched closer to him. You faintly felt the heat emanating from his lanky body.

Your shoulders touched, he's suddenly tense, so you sat up and gave him a hard stare.

"What?"

"I'm cold."

Without another word, you swung your legs over his, and took his arm and splayed it out before immediately using it as a pillow. The sleeve was slightly damp, but you endured that for now.

You snuggled into Bert's stiff shoulder, and he complied when you wrapped his arm over your shoulder.

That's better...

Gradually, his temperature got higher to the point of discomfort. You sat up once more.

His eyes were closed and his face flushed.

"Bertholt..."

"I shouldn't be doing this," he whined, "Why am I doing this?"

Your brows found themselves high against your forehead once again.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Before he could reply, you draped the towel over his face and snuggled back into his shoulder before shutting your eyes.

"(Y/N)...." He uttered your name like a dying mouse.

His meekness was making you weak but pissing you off at the same time. At this rate you might just end up leaving him in the dark crying or you.

If only you were that cruel.

You wanted to, but no amount of anger toward someone like Bertholt could make you.

You sighed, "What."   
  
"I know you agreed to sleep with me," why he left the towel over is face was unknown to you, "but I'm starting to feel like you don't really like me."   
  
 "I don't like you. At all."

You could  **feel** his disappointment, and you let the feeling that you were a huge asshole die in the bottom of your gut.

"B-But-"

"That doesn't mean I'm gonna leave someone to sleep alone outside in the dark. As long as you don't kill me in my sleep or kick in any of my walls we're cool."

Bertholt froze at your statement, and as far as you knew, remained that way for the rest of the night. Who knows, you were too busy sleeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally forgot to put this here, but....if you wanted to know, there's an Erwin chapter coming up....just saiyan...


	19. Yoga Poses Part 2

Your knees buckled, spent, and you tumbled to the ground with a dry thud, taking the heavy gear clanking down with you. You spent 3 years working with the shit and you still couldn't get used to flying through the air like a fucking Spider-Gwen. It just wasn't a thing that you liked doing, no matter how fun it looked in the anime. It took you a month to realize some of your fellow trainees were gone; had lost their lives to this stupid mechanism the first few days of training. You were one of the lucky majority that actually avoided running into trees....except for that one time. You still shivered at the thought of that moment to this day.

  Eren came to your rescue in record time-- he seemed to be doing that a lot lately-- hoisting you up to your feet by your arm and looking you over with concern. You weren't sure why, but you felt the sensation of your face heating up to the tips of your ears as he stared at you with those big green eyes. You wanted to fall again and become one with the dirt from how naked you suddenly felt under the attentive gaze.

"Are you alright? Did you hit something on the way back?" Eren asked gently.

You were surprised he hadn't found a way to include titans in his inquiry. He blamed them for literally everything, including Jean's face or their primitive and faulty plumbing.

But no, you were fine, just shaky, and a bit off kilter from  _almost_ hitting something on the way back.   
  
  "I'm good, Er-Bear, I'm good..." you pat his hand away and he easily complied, a look of concern still visible on his pretty, tan face.   
  
  You refrained from looking at him any further and let your grips hang by the cords, palms sharply meeting your cheeks in an attempt to calm your raging ovaries.

This was about the time Levi decided to come at you.   
  
 "Aye, if you can't get your shit together, you're gonna end up benched, cleaning, or both. Jaeger isn't responsible for you, (L/N)."

You understood that, so you nodded, offering the man a "Yessir" shortly after. Eren only seemed mildly offended when Levi jerked his head in the direction he came from and was forced to walk back with the Captain close behind.

You watched them go for a moment, then, turned to stare at the treeline with disdain. You didn't want to fly around anymore, no matter what Levi said, because your life didn't depend on this at the moment and you'd practice sometime later, after you got a hold of the Commander and exacted your plan to relax him.

The only reason you were with Eren in the first place was that Levi understood the brunette was more alert with you around, for why, you hadn't the slightest idea.

With that, you made to put your equipment away before heading into the castle looking to deliberately run into someone.

That someone happened to be Hanji.

"Oooh, (Y/N)!! Lucky I wasn't Levi or you'd be in hot water!" The woman chirped, and she looked genuinely happy to see you.

That was a first all in itself.

"I actually just got done hangin' around him and Eren. He had to...cut that _short_  if you know what I mean."

Hanji howled with over exaggerated laughter that had you cracking a wide smile. Hanji Zoe was one of the rare people that actually appreciated your unfunny jokes and puns. And you found yourself happy to see her as well.

Wiping a nonexistent tear from the corner of her eye, Hanji clapped a friendly hand on your shoulder.

"Where have you been all my life?" She grinned at you.

You smiled back, looking around for any scandalous bystanders before leaning in and whispering, "A place where I can take a shit and wipe my ass with tree bark."

The woman laughed again, "Sounds painful."

You'd alluded to the greatest invention besides sanitation and Hanji was none the wiser. Fabulous.   
  
 "Anyway," you pulled away and rubbed at your arm, "do you know if the Commander is busy right now?"

Hanji's glasses flashed in knowing and you were almost worried. "Well he's always got something to do," she paused at your suddenly urgent expression,  "buuut...I don't think he'd mind you stopping by if it's important."

You nodded to affirm you understood, "If that's the case, can you do me a favor?"

"As long as it doesn't involve stealing from Levi. I learned my lesson from last time."

.

  
.

  
.

  With a little assistance from Moblit, Hanji was able to locate a few dusty rugs that you'd be able to use as yoga mats. You took two, and with a myriad of thank yous, hauled ass to Erwin's office.

You knocked and entered slowly, something you'd done most of your life from walking in on very illicit and or erotic activities being performed by many individuals which you would not name in the distant past when you had been attending high school. However it wasn't like Erwin was blowing someone or bending Levi over his desk like in those guilty pleasure fanfics you always spotted on ALL of those fan fiction websites. It wasn't feasible while actually getting to know these people, they all wouldn't just casually hump on each other because of a convenient circumstance like being trapped in a closet or the oh so natural morning wood.

So you got an eyeful of what was expected when entering Erwin Smith's office space; said man leaning over unhealthily large stacks of paperwork, which he seemed to be filling out without batting an eye. But you knew the truth. Deep down be was crying hysterically in a corner, calling for help but his Life Alert button was failing to respond.

That was an age joke.

He looked up from his work to find you with a dorky grin on your face. A thick eyebrow was raised in confusion at this, but he said nothing and you assumed he was allowing you to slide all the way into his DMs. So you did, kicking the door closed behind you.

"What is it?" His deep baritone resonated exhaustion and that had you smiling even harder.

Using the rugs gathered in your arms as an excuse not to salute, you approached his desk and exclaimed, "Sir! Stop what your doing and get up for a second!"

Now both caterpillars were raised high against his hairline, "Excuse me?"

Practically radiating friendliness, you stepped back and rolled out the rugs, setting them about two feet apart in front of the desk and rounding the paper-clogged piece of furniture to grab at your confused commander's wrist. He had no choice in this matter.

"This isn't up for debate, you're doing yoga with me whether you like it or not. So get up!"

Erwin seemed like a pretty serious individual. He was not the goofy leader who came up with the 'SurveyConLegiment' to replace all confusion with this organization's name. He was not the guy that would carry Levi bridal style into the theatre for a romcom splurge. And he was definitely not the guy that would marry Hanji and give her pet names like 'snookums' and 'oogibear'.

So, when he stared intensely at his paperwork then looked back to you, smiled, and stood probably out of curiosity to what yoga was, you nearly shit yourself from excitement.   
  
Only moments later had you both shed your boots and jackets and were standing at the top of your corresponding rugs. You twitched with excitement as you went about the basics of yoga and poses you would go over with him. You didn't need to do anything extreme, just enough to test Erwin's flexibility. And lucky for you the uniform's pants were thick but also had the stretching capacity of leggings.

"Now first," you started, catching Erwin's eyes as you inhaled deeply and lifted your arms above your head, he mimicked your actions immediately, "We start with our sun salutations, and we release our breath as we lean down and enter a fold," you did just that and eyed Erwin's form with intrigue.   
  
It was then that you knew he was way better at this than you. As you both folded and hugged your legs, you noticed his legs remained straight as can be and no exertion or struggle was displayed as he wrapped his arms behind his knees. You frowned as a pang of jealousy smacked you in the face.

With that, you touched the floor and walked both of your legs back so you now held a planking position. Your toes barely touched the hard wood of Erwin's floor. That was fine, as the rug's purpose was to protect your hands from wearing out too soon. As expected, Erwin mimed your motions and turned his head to look at you and confirm he was assuming the correct position. You nodded and he smiled a broad, handsome smile that made you internally gush from the cuteness.

"U-Uhm, this is called, h-high plank. And for the upcoming motion, you need to lean forward a bit so you have more control over lowering yourself to the floor. Make sure its a slow descent." You went first, lowering until your breasts touched the rug before pushing yourself up, your legs pressing against the floor to your thighs and your chin high in the air as you straightend your back so your body appeared to be in an L shape.

Wordlessly, Erwin followed, then suddenly chimed in, "What is this one called?"

"Kobra." You quickly answered.

"Hm." Was all he said in response. And that egged you further.

"Now tuck your toes, and-" you pushed backwards, heels pressing against the floor as your ass raised up to the air, back straight so you were in the shape of an upside down V, "Downward Dog." You explained.

"That's an odd name for a pose," Erwin mused as he repeated the movement.

His flexibility was on par with of not better than yours. Yet despite your mixed feelings about how an older man had better hamstrings than you, you humored him.

 "Maybe it's because you're on all fours." You said.

You both held that pose for a few more breaths and you decided that it wouldn't hurt to take a break in pigeon. You tucked your right leg and lowered yourself to balance on your calf. Your left leg remained stretched out behind you and you couldn't help but feel awesome at the possibility of Erwin not being able to do this pose.

But...he did. But with his large body it was funny to you at how elegant and pretty he looked in this pose.

"And this one?"   
  
  "Pigeon"

Erwin raised an eyebrow, "I don't recall seeing pigeon's doing this...ever."

You snorted, nearly tipping over on your thigh from the vibration, "You're right, flamingos are a bit more into this kind of thing." You added.

Erwin shot you a look of curiosity at this information.

"What's a flamingo?" He asked and you nearly fucking died just then.

Of course he didn't know what a flamingo was ohmygawd!

"It...flamingos are really..."you sighed, deciding that you didn't care anymore, "They're tall, vibrantly colored birds. Usually pink and masters of balance."

"How eloquently put, Cadet (L/N)," there was that smile again, "How do you know of these creatures? I've never seen one personally."

You were getting sore on your knee, so you leaned to your right side and let your legs stretch out in front of you, Erwin taking the cue and following close behind you.

"That's because they're tropical birds. They live in areas that are a bit too far from the walls I'm afraid."

The lifting of Erwin's eyebrows was an obvious unvoiced question: How did you know? So you just shrugged and sheepishly stared ahead, "Books."

Erwin halfheartedly accepted that answer, crossing his legs as you were doing. He said nothing more about flamingos.

"Are you relaxed? At ease?" You asked him after a few rotations of your spines, humming the most relaxing songs you could remember and purposely erasing your mind of negative thoughts.

Erwin hummed in response, a noise you could only discern as pleased, so you assumed it was a yes.

"Do you...feel a bit tense in your lower back?"

The blond nodded and groaned a bit, " Now that you bring it to my attention." He chuckled and looked to you knowingly, "Which pose helps?"

Without hesitation, you straightened your legs again and lie straight on your back, stretching your arms out over your head and you could immediately feel the tension release. You moaned in satisfaction.   
  
When the Commander did as demonstrated, the reaction was similar, only louder, he must have been having back problems for a while then.

"That feels fantastic!" He exclaimed and you giggled.

You looked his way, the smile on his face was just as dopey as the one you wore when you first walked in. Maybe Levi needed the yoga treatment as well. Suddenly, and idea came to you and you were quickly scrambling to your knees.

"Stay like that, Commander. I wanna try something."

Despite his confusion, Erwin stayed put as you positioned yourself at his legs and gripped gently at his ankles, "I'm gonna lift your legs, and tell me if it feels better."

He nodded once and that's when you started to pull them up. He was pliant enough that you didn't have to struggle with his most likely heavy dead weight, and you were grateful. You got his legs at a 90° angle when you stopped.

"There's a bit of a stretch," he said, remembering your instructions,"but otherwise it's no different."

Your eybrows drew together in confusion, so you continued, pushing his calves forward. His knees didn't bend at all and characteristic, dirty thoughts filled your head regarding this man taking a cannon dildo.

You weren't sure why it was such a specific thought and it was so outrageous you didn't even feel weirded out or embarrassed by that.

It came to the point where Erwin parted his legs when his knees came to touch his face, his expression matching yours in the disgruntled department.   
  
  "What is happening right now?"

  "I don't know, sir...Why is it that you're so flexible?"

He gave you a disbelieving look, but proceeded to explain anyway, "Mobility is required when using the gear, cadet."

"What the FUCK?"

Two of you looked up toward the door to find Levi with a disgusted look on his face, staring at Erwin in such a weird position.

"...Why? What the hell is this?" The shorter man said, you could taste the utter concern in his voice.

You looked to Erwin, who was looking at Levi in the doorway, his legs still pulled up like a veteran pornstar, and smiling softly like it was the most normal thing in the world.

"It's called yoga, Levi. You should try it sometime."

You remained silent this whole exchange, and dared to look up at Levi, who was now staring at you as Erwin spoke. A few seconds after Erwin expressed his need for Levi to 'try it sometime' he closed the door and promtply left.

"Well shit." You blurted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a preview that I forgot to put up! OOPS
> 
> //"Holy shit dude." You uttered to yourself.
> 
> Your mouth went dry and you took the deepest breath of air you could muster. You'd never realized how much you missed fresh air. Being stuck within giant walls for years at a time surrounded by unwashed bodies was stifling to say the least. You could feel your eyes welling up with tears, because this was not real.
> 
> Well, you said that when you witnessed Sasha eating a potato. So there's that.
> 
> Speaking of which, was it just you?
> 
> "(Y/N)....what is this?"
> 
> NOPE!\\\


	20. That One Time Everything Exploded and You Lost Everyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't figure out what to add to this chapter because PEOPLE JUST LOVE TO IGNORE THE ENTIRE CHAPTER I POSTED ASKING FOR FILLER SUGGESTIONS. That's why I'm late. That's why.
> 
>  
> 
> Fight me.

_What kind of asscockery is this?_

Tapping at your phone, your poor - probably outdated at this point - smartphone, you noticed that the battery was still full. The same as it was the night you decided to charge it. The night you fell asleep grinding through Oblivion. The night you achieved your first food baby of the week.

  The night you signed in for the training regiment.

 Again, what kind of  **asscockery** is this?   
  
  Your battery had remained at its full charge since that first day, years ago, when you got into this exciting mess. At first you thought nothing of it, you hadn't touched the thing since that mess with your playlist, when Squad managed to get a hold of it and made a valiant attempt at tearing it apart and freeing the tiny performers inside.

  Needless to say you were not amused. So you hid it away wrapped in cloth at the bottom of your bag of personal belongings where everything else like your Pewdiepie T-shirt was to be hidden away from the world. Y'know, all your cringeworthy materials that hopped with you into Medieval Anime Germany.

  But now, as you were going through said bag, you had noticed the charge was still full.

  In a world where you were pretty sure didn't handle current technology like that.

  In a castle that you are pretty sure doesn't have proper insulation, let alone electricity....or electrical outlets. 

   It was extremely odd, but you could do nothing but uselessly ponder over it. No one in the current timeline would know about this and the countless references to be made from this situation, therefore you would just leave it alone. Weirder things have happened. 

  Carelessly, you wrapped the phone into its blankie and stuffed it back under your old faded sports bra at the bottom of the pack. Then, of course,  you stuffed it underneath your mattress and promptly left the dorm, lunch was waiting. 

  For a while, Levi had warmed up to you, as well as Erwin, but the two of them did not take time out of their day to seek you out or sit with you at your table during feasting time. However, you did bump into them on occasion, almost as if your 'Hot Elder Radar' led you straight to them or you had somehow donned a healthy dose of Axe and they were unconsciously drawn to the tantalizing scent of douchebaggery. Either way, it was one of those times where you would almost bump into the imposing wall shaped like Erwin Smith, or the slightly more imposing gate that was Levi Ackerman. Luckily, it was the former,  as Levi still had PTSD from witnessing you bending over between Erwin's innocently spread legs and had no problem openly grimacing at you for his trouble. 

  "Ah, Cadet (L/N), off to join everyone in the Hall?"

  Foolishly not expecting this conversation to take place, your words caught in your throat. You lifted your gaze to properly meet Erwin's eyes, and nodded, not trusting yourself to squeak in the face of Erwin's just about chill exterior.

  Is this what one ameteur yoga session could do to your commanding officer? Have him be chill around you? You should do this more often with scary people. 

  Erwin's close-mouthed smile widened and he nodded in turn. "Good, good." He said, and his face suddenly turned into an expression of playful annoyance, "However the porridge that's being served this afternoon is lackluster at best. I was just going to my rooms to get something that will sweeten it up. Wait for me at your table and I'll get a packet for you and your friends." Not waiting for an answer, he maneuvered around you and continued towards his destination. Shrugging to yourself and uttering a small "Why not?" you did the same towards the Mess Hall.

  "That is–That is if you'd like some!" Erwin's voice stopped you and you turned to the sight of urgency on his face.

  "Uh.." Your eyes shifted about before settling back onto the Commander, "Yeah...I guess?"

  He didn't hesitate a second longer as he broke out into a jog down the hall at your halfhearted response.

  You couldn't help but play into your mind that that was something a decent dad would do. "For you and your friends." He'd said.

  With this on your mind you received your food and headed towards your table. The table you felt actually deserved sugar in their shitty porridge. 

   Armin's table.

  They are the ones that had done the most, the ones who contributed the most.

   (The ones who had the most horseback riding-loop screen time).

  So they deserved sugar in their porridge. Even though Eren was staring into his bowl with a haunted expression, clearly having no intentions to eat it any time soon. Maybe it'd lift his mood if his porridge was a little less shitty, and if you were the key to not having shitty porridge, then so be it.

  Ah....non-shitty porridge. That sounds lovely...

  You almost couldn't wait. 

.

 

.

 

.

  When Erwin approached the table, your food wasn't even close to getting cold. And when he placed the packets into your waiting hands, the three sitting with you perked up. Eren most notably had his eyes wide open in something akin to shock.

  "Thank you, sir." You said, an innocent smile plastered on your face.

  "Don't worry about it."

  And that was that.

  You distributed the packets between the four of you and dug into your meal. Compared to how the porridge would have tasted without the sweetener, the dish sprinkled with it felt like you were ascending to heaven. Smiling, you encouraged the three confused teens in front of you to give it a try. They did so gladly, and clearly did not regret it. 

  "Why did the commander give you sugar?" Armin asked between mouthfuls, a suspicious glint in his eyes. 

   "I took him down to Chinatown on his office floor... "

   Eren promptly choked on his food and fell under the table at that declaration. 

  Armin, a bit more graceful in his reaction, cleared his throat and asked, "What?"

  "Yeah," you grinned, digging up another spoonful, "I did some stretches with him and folded him in half on the floor. It was beautiful ya should've been there! " 

   "You mean that.... Literally?"

  "Yeah, of course."

  "What kind of stretches?" Eren asked, his tone almost accusing as he peeked up from the edge of the table. 

   You frowned and paused in scooping up another spoonful of your now less shitty porridge. "Uhm... The kind where you stretch out your body parts so you don't cramp up like a mentally challenged slinky?"

  Did Eren honestly think–

  "You two are disgusting individuals." You leveled a glare at the both him and Armin then gave a smile towards Mikasa, who had of course remained silent during the whole exchange. 

   "Hopefully you're not a disgusting piece of shit that thinks I'd sleep with the Commander."

  To this, Mikasa snorted, and much to your dismay,  said nothing else the remainder of Lunchtime, no matter how loudly you begged her to finish what she started. 

. 

 

. 

 

. 

   As far as you could tell, it was midnight, or at least,  really late, and that you probably shouldn't be outside in the wilderness at this time of night. 

  Your day had been uneventful save for getting your ass handed to you by Krista herself. And if it wasn't for the fact that she was showing off to her boo thang, you would have been horribly offended that she merely shrugged and walked off to fetch her next sparring partner like you were some kind of okay spin off series. 

  So that somehow drove you to leave the castle regardless of curfew and wander barefoot out into the woods. 

  For some reason. 

 Maybe you were bored. 

Maybe you were concerned as to why your day was so....normal. 

 Yeah, that's the word. Everything was so goddamn normal that day. Minus Erwin suddenly becoming your dad. But that's beside the point. 

  You had no idea that when you left, an ear-splitting explosion would just come out of nowhere, that the trees around you would be caught up in the chaos and lit on fire. That you'd have no way of escaping because you were barefoot and asthmatic. And when you eventually succumbed to the darkness, the white popcorn ceiling of your old room would be your glimpse into the afterlife. 

. 

. 

With a jolt, you sat up, a slice of pizza sliding across the graphic on your shirt and landing in your lap. You quickly grabbed it off your legs and tossed it into the pizza box to your right, near to hyperventilating from both the previous sensation of choking on smoke and the fact that you haven't seen pizza in almost 4 years. 

  Did death bring you back home? Or was this your heaven? 

  You stood up from your beanbag on wobbly legs, taking in the sight of your old room, lit by the fresh hues of dawn from your window. 

  Your K ON figurines. 

  Your Attack on Titan posters. 

  Your Free body pillows. 

   Your depressing yaoi manga collection in the far corner of the room that you had to hide from your dad every time you left home because he for some reason liked to clean your room whenever you were out somewhere. 

  Nothing was out of place as far as you remembered. So then... 

  "Christ this can't be a dream. I have pizza grease on my thighs."

   And the sound of your TV lightly playing Reign of Septims through the speakers did it in. 

  Then it dawned on you. 

  "I didn't fall asleep to the title screen!" You exclaimed,  "Did I fucking save!?"

  There could have been nothing better in that moment than a second death, as you hoped to whatever was up there that this actually was a dream and you did indeed save your game before you fell asleep before proceeding to crumple down to the floor in a fit of frustrated gamer tears. 

  You sat there groaning like a beached whale for the good part of thirty minutes before the smell of food permeating from downstairs hit your nostrils. 

  You were down those steps in a flash. 

  If this was a dream, your dad would have made a buffet. It would be like the raging hurricane that was Gordan Ramsay came through and conducted the heist of making your father in to a better cook. Well, that's how all your food dreams had been anyway. And truth be told, you missed your dad, even if he _could_ manage to accidentally set water on fire in his attempts at boiling it. 

  The sound of your bare feet slapping against the kitchen tile had your father turning his head as he fruitlessly slaved over a pan of eggs. 

  "Noooo," he whisper yelled, shoulders slumping as he jutted out his bottom lip in a mock pout, "You weren't supposed to come in here. You didn't get my note on the door?"

  "What?... What? No?" You stuttered, your stomach clenching at the sight of him.... 

.... In your old pink apron. 

... In a wig... 

  What? 

  "Darn it! I haven't even finished getting dressed yet." Considering how things usually went, and his overbearing interest in your interests – which right now was anime – your thoughts immediately strayed to... Maids. "Could you... Could you go and check the mail.... At least... While I finish?... And put the rest of the outfit on... "

   Putting your potential conniption on hold, you backed out of the archway very slowly and grabbed the keys by the door. Considering how long you had been "away from home" the layout of the house was a refreshing change, but still really weird to readjust to. Especially since your dad was halfway in drag. 

  And what for? For what feasable reason could he be dressing up as a cafe maid? Was it your birthday or someth–

  "Holy... Shit."

  As you stepped out of the house, freshly adorned in flip flops, trying to get your thoughts together and put aside the inevitable panic of how well you were taking this, the sound of the ocean waves stopped every function in your body. 

   You'd forgotten you lived exceptionally close to the beach.... Or... On the beach. 

   "Holy shit dude." You uttered to yourself.

Your mouth went dry and you took the deepest breath of air you could muster. You'd never realized how much you missed fresh air. Being stuck within towering walls, be it the castle's smooth stone or within the city for years at a time, surrounded by unwashed bodies was stifling to say the least. You could feel your eyes welling up with tears, because this was not real.

Well, you said that when you witnessed Sasha eating a potato. So there's that.

"(Y/N)....what is this?

   Your heart was racing as you turned your head towards the voice. 

  Mikasa, confused and a bit disoriented if her uncharacteristic stumbling was anything to go by, approached the porch. 

  So it wasn't a dream. 

   Or was it it? 

  I don't even know anymore...  (￢_￢;)

  Here comes that conniption. 

  "Mikasa!" you cried, your sandalled feet carrying you down those steps as fast as possible. "HOLY SHIT!"

   She collapsed in your arms, repeating the words "Fire." and "Explosion," gripping your waist like it was the only thing keeping her grounded. 

   "Where's everyone else? Do you know what happened? "

   She stiffened at your words and stumbled backwards, pushing you away as of burned. "Eren! Where's Eren? Armin too...  I had been... " she stopped, her breath coming fast. She looked down at the sand – at her booted feet, legs shaking as she mumbled to herself, "I was with him when it happened. A slab of stone hit him... And then... I'm here."

  All this time knowing her, watching her behind a screen, you didn't think Mikasa could weep for anything other than Eren. But here was the proof, right here, as the tears slid down her face. You were no doubt disturbed by this, the effect only tripled by the fact that she hadn't even registered what was before her, Eren and Armin's dream, the vast ocean. 

  Gathering yourself, you took her shoulders and shook her – violently – none of that pansy shit. 

  "Get a hold of yourself, Mika. Look at me!" 

  When she did, you nearly had to do a double take, but cast aside your shock for a more appropriate time, you were a classy bitch after all. 

  "Look, my dad is in there making breakfast for me. And if I take you in there, he will also be making breakfast for you, by default. I'll take you inside, and we'll get some food in you. But first, I have to go check the P. O. Box down the way. Until I get back, just sit with him. Can you do that?"

  She nodded, and the relief on your face must have shown. 

   "This is a dream... " she whispered to no one on particular, and you didn't bother responding to her hysterics as you took her hand and led her up the porch and into the house. Your father wasn't very surprised to see her, since the plan he had supposedly made with all your friends previously was to have an anime themed beach party, with cosplay included... Just for your birthday. 

   You left the two of them in the kitchen, Mikasa at the dining table and your dad tackling a bowl of pancake mix and a bag chocolate chips, chattering excitedly at her about his plans for a bonfire later that evening. 

   When you came back, a small stack of bills in your left hand, you entered the archway to the sight of your dad in a dress, setting a plate of half burnt pancakes in front of a smiling Mikasa. 

   She was like... genuinely smiling. 

    "Holy shit... " you said for the fourth time that day, rubbing at your tired face with your free hand. 

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can guess why Eren is looking like he's having a Vietnam flashback in this chapter I'll actually put you, or a character of your choosing, in this story.....
> 
> I will. That's a promise. Because the reason is so fucking hilarious.
> 
> On another note, this chapter faced a SHIT TON of changes. At first, the mysterious voice was originally going to be Sasha (duh), but I decided Mikasa doesn't get enough 'Love' in Reader-Inserts and for some reason my writing has taken a more serious tone and Reader-Chan isn't letting me write her as a crazy bastard at the moment... 
> 
> On another note. I love her dad. Don't you?


	21. Armin's Poor Face Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's my attempt at reverting back to the old writing style. The writing style you all loved. The writing style that I lay down on a bed of roses and sink in the river at dawn, sending it away with the words of a love song.

Tensions were high among the 104th Trainees squad–

   Well, when I say 104th Trainees squad I really mean all of the main characters you've somehow meshed yourself with without consequence. 

   That's not exactly true. Mikasa is a consequence. 

   Considering she really wants to fight you. 

   It actually happened, during your daily Lunch break,  your interactions with Eren (ooh so flirty my dear) had tipped her over the edge. She actually kicked you under the table. And looking back on it, it was odd how after only a _month_ of healing,  the leg you had broken only tingled when her aggressive appendage came crashing into yours. 

   You had sat up then, shouted at her,  "BITCH YOU WANNA FITE ME CAUSE I'LL FITE YOU!  CLUB PENGUIN, IN THE DOJO, 10 A. M.!! "

  And now you were scheduled to fight her after breakfast the next day. 

  Armin was not amused. 

  "Are you sure that's a good idea? Mikasa is at the top of the class. She'll maim you." He'd said later that afternoon as he watched you struggle with your assigned set of push ups. 

  You stopped and snapped your head in his direction. Lifting yourself and sitting back on your heels, you nodded. Armin had the gall to look askance. 

   "You look me in my eyes with your irresistibly beautiful ones and say to my face that you doubt me."

    Despite how often you shoved underhanded compliments into your sort of aggressive interactions with Pre-Super Serum He Man,  you never failed to make him curl in on himself and completely undermine you with his insistence that he was the shittiest individual known to the entire human race. But deep down,  you knew he primped and preened under the attention. That's why you never argued and kept fucking doing it. The guy was irritatingly adorable. 

   "I doubt you." he murmured defiantly, puffing out his cheeks. 

   "Ah shit, you wound me. I guess I'll just reconsider all my life choices because you don't think I can do it."

   Unimpressed, Armin lightly nudged at your knee with the toe of his boot, a gesture that jostled your insides almost unpleasantly. 

   "She will put you in the infirmary. Twice." He said.  "I only want you to be alright. Pointlessly hurting yourself isn't helping at all."

   This prompted you to activate your extra sarcastic mode. All systems go, hands on your chest, lovestruck facial expression at the ready, the high pitched voice you reserved only for baby animals, babies, and Armin Arlert on standby–

   "Oh noooo~ Armin cares about me. Armin thinks Mikasa is going to kiiiiillll meeeee~!" 

   Armin appeared affronted at this, quickly moving to cross his arms and look off to the side in typical tsundere fashion. 

   "I'm only looking out for you.... So you don't get sent off somewhere.... You won't graduate if you're too broken to train... "

   You laughed at Armin, who grew more indignant by the minute,  for the rest of the day, only taking breaks to lightly giggle your breath back into your system. 

. 

. 

. 

That night, while lights out was quickly approaching, you stuck around the trio as you usually did after dinner, waiting for the Call of Shadis. The call that made all the pretty underlings cower in fear and probably soil themselves with how anxious his lack of eyebrows made them. You had ceased your laughter, but Armin had read into your shit eating grin that was very pointedly aimed in his direction, and he was still pouting into his discarded jacket by the time the Call of Shadis did come. As the two boys took off to the boy's section, Mikasa approached you. 

   "Prepare yourself in the morning, (L/N). I'll be waiting behind the barracks."

   Sarcastic mode activated. 

  "I'm so afraid of your beautiful face."

  Mikasa visibly bristled, her teeth baring as a show of dominance that would have had you shaking in your boots if all the injuries you had retained in the previous months hadn't made you a jaded piece of shit. 

  Then, her stance sagged. An age old tiredness casting over her features. 

   "I don't... I don't understand... "

  "Understand what?" You asked, glancing down at the oriental's clenched fists at her sides. 

   "How can... How can he...." She scoffed and took a step forward, a valve you had never even realized was loosening breaking off and flying into space, "WHY? Why does Eren tolerate you?! You-You take  **nothing** seriously. You don't care about anything but your perverted nonesense." Then she gestured to what you decided to be all of you, "All you do is waste the air you breathe, singing ridiculous songs that no one cares about and for what!? Why are you here? Because you realize how useless you are to society so you'll sacrifice yourself to the Survey Corps?! Is that your purpose?! What is your purpose??"

   In the middle of her rant you found yourself acknowledging that these were relatively decent questions, but somehow having them spoken aloud still hurt. You wasted the air you breathed? Your gut clenched painfully at that, but you would save the showing of the emotions for a more private setting. So you just shrugged, an odd blankness to your face as you did so, and didn't answer.

   You walked away, leaving her to breathe heavily amongst the onlookers that had gathered around in curiosity. 

   No one saw you at roll call the next day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The source material for this story that I had worked on for around two years is now either burned or drowned and is now rotting in the dump. 
> 
> ┐( ˘ ､ ˘ )┌
> 
> I don't need that SHIT!
> 
> Also... The perfect 25k almost made me want to stop posting on this fic forever.... It... It was so perfect. Not a character out of place....


	22. Jean Boi and the Chronicles of Reiner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAAAAAY JEAN IS BACK! I APOLOGIZE TO THOSE WHO DID NOT APPRECIATE MY CHARACTERIZATION OF HIM PREVIOUSLY. I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M A DOUCHEBAG!

     If you were competent in anything, it had to be gripping people.  

    Usually, drills tired you out, and you were too busy being afraid of flying around with your gear to fully enjoy the experience, but hand to hand combat.... 

  Let's just say they called you Sifu (Y/N). 

   Pah, you wish,  you sad sack of goodies. 

And because Shadis is good at being progressive and a sadist at the same time, he paired your tiny ass with the bulkiest male cadet. Reiner. 

You know... 

That guy you made out with a few chapters ago. But in your case a few days ago and you've been avoiding him since then because you're not sure how to feel about anything anymore. 

   "You ready, (Y/N)?" He called to you, cracking his knuckles like he was actually going to beat your ass. "I'm not gonna go easy just because you're smaller than me."

    Then he winked at you. 

  If this was his way of flirting he was doing a terrible job. 

   You didn't call anything back and refused to be baited. The memory of him punching you in the face with his mouth was still as fresh as Annie's breath. If it weren't for the fact that since then he was openly pursuing and flirting with you, then you might've thought it was a dream that had you walking outside and crashing behind the barracks. But no, life wasn't that simple. Out of all the people you could be Mary-Sueing your way into their hearts, it had to be the assholes... fine. 

   You got into position. Reiner didn't seem to let it get to him that you refused the banter, and moved into his own stance. Now, this isn't some kind of description where the narrator notes all of the flaws and little tidbits about this stance that you could exploit, because in reality, you mainly relied on your limited experience of a month of taking Tae Kwon Do classes. And even then, you spent most of your time fixing up your flexibility than sparring or learning how to drop fools. So let's just say, he looked like he could gank your ass if you weren't careful. And it's not like I know anything about picking up on a shitty combat stance, I'm just your omniscient subconcious! 

   So anyway, that's how you ended up as Reiner's backpack as some kind of last ditch effort to overpower the fucker. You were literally strangling him, the both of you struggling for power in the dirt, and all Reiner can say is, "So dinner first isn't an option?"

  Fuck it. 

 "A little hypocritical considering you did jack shit before you mouth sexed me."

  "I'd hardly call that 'mouth sexing'. And if you didn't notice, we had dinner before then."

  "Touché, you fucking—Ah!"

   Oh, how surprising, he managed to roll you both over, flip your ass and put you in a headlock. 

   "How the tables have turned!" He quipped, causing you to go red with how shitty that pun was. 

  And how shitty it was indeed when you realized how stupid this was. 

   And you could feel Reiner's chest through his shirt. 

   Oh my. 

   The both of you were damp with sweat, that was no surprise. When it gets as hot as it does in Attack on Titan's obscure European country, you understand that Arizona can go suck a duck's ass. Your palms were sweating profusely, and because you had both appropriately measured the heat, the removal of your jackets was a given. Because of that given, the dampness of Reiner Braun was beginning to meld with your dampness, amplifying the teenage hormones raging at you at the feel of Reiner's bulking pectorals rubbing against the nape of your neck and the beginnings of your shoulder blades, creating more dampness in places that should not be damp. 

   "Let me go and I'll give you a cookie." You sqealed as his bicep rubbed against your chin in a very tantalizing display of flexing. 

   "Tempting... Since I've already beaten you."

  You had nothing to do but laugh at that. False confidence was still confidence after all. But even then, those who decided that watching you and Reiner wrestle each other was slowly stamping that flame that represented your confidence. You hoped he'd release you before it got too uncomfortable. 

One. 

 

Two. 

 

Three. 

 

  Then he let you go. Finally. 

 

 "Keep the cookie." He chuckled. 

. 

 

 

. 

 

 

. 

   

  "So you and Reiner are a thing now?"

People really liked stopping you on your way to do things. Jean was no exception to this. Well... You had been on your way to something, but stopped, because grass and sunsets are nice, but the rule still applied. 

   You found yourself face to face with the deep abyss of honey-gold, narrowed and so sharp in an accusing manner. 

   "No....?" you stopped and actually thought about it for a moment, Jean didn't break the silence. "I don't think so..."

    He didn't believe you. It was clear on his face. He continued to stare down his nose at you, arms akimbo and back arching like a goddamn candycane he was that lax with you at the moment. 

    "I wouldn't blame you, honestly," he muttered, though your proximity allowed your ears to pick this up, and you were surprised for sure. "Good eye candy, that guy."

   Your brain stuttered at that last sentence. It was the last thing you expected to come out of Kirstein's mouth. "Excuse me?" You asked, completely flabbergasted, surprised, spellbound, fucking tickled. 

   "No, no, I mean it. Good for you."

"Why are you congratulating me?"

  A smirk began to play at his mouth. He allowed it halfway, and it looked like he was fighting a grin. Either way, he was clearly delighted. "Just wanted to say you're welcome."

   "Why?" You weren't completely sure yet, but you had the sinking feeling that if Jean decided to answer honestly, you weren't going to like what he said. 

    "Just you're welcome. Happy that you finally found someone who thinks you're attractive."

    Okay, that wasn't called for. 

"BITCH YOU WANNA GET SACRIFICED!?"

 Your threat didn't hit as hard as you wanted it to, however, as Jean had this little habit of walking away after saying things that could potentially get him punched in the face. A good strategy that, you'd have to try it sometime. 

  "Pray Shadis doesn't pair me up with you for anything! I'll make sure that disrespect gets shoved up your urethra!"

  He wasn't listening, sadly. 

. 

 

. 

  Again, Reiner invited you to meet somewhere privately. 

  Again, something inside your middle decided it wanted to cause you anxiety. 

 Again he kissed you.

This time it was in a closet. 

This time you expected him to kiss you. 

Yay, lust! 

  You both ground, rubbed and laved at each other the best your inexperienced bodies could. But it didn't go any further than that, fortunately. Still, it was enough to count as something that could give you Base XP, and it was interesting all the while. 

Your arms and legs were wrapped around him in some attempt at pulling him closer. The only skin on skin that you could come close to was the thin fabric of both your shirts paired with both your faces meshing together into a mess of hot breaths and excited tongues, and most notably when Reiner dipped down occasionally to leave a mark or two on your neck. You both could have practically been rutting at this point. 

   You weren't sure how all of this was making Reiner feel, but you liked to think that while breathing in the heavy scent of sweat and male made you dizzy, he was hardcore restraining from shoving his entire body against you full force, that he wanted to go a little further—even if the thought of that was mildly uncomfortable.

  Through the cozy thickness of your pants, the warmth of his calloused hands was so prominent and _there_ that previous doubt of this actually happening had fallen down a cliff and died an agonizing death. For once, you felt wanted, even if it was only stemmed from Reiner's deep set carnal desires, which was sort of out of character if you thought about it. You didn't care much, since Jean was indeed right to congratulate you. Someone found you dry-humpable, and that was something to be proud of for someone as sad and lonely and boyfriendless as you were. 

   You even thought for a moment that maybe—

No... Nevermind. You'd swore to never put Reiner or Bertholdt in the same room as any romantic thoughts. 

  But you couldn't help it damn it! Your innocent teenage brain was confused and clinging to the first dude that made you pulsate. 

And you were practically shagging so why are you having this conversation with yourself right now!!?? 

   Why'd it have to be Reiner thoooouugh....? 

A particularly firm press of both your lower regions both pulled a strained squeak from your chest and stopped those thoughts in one fell swoop. 

   The two of you somehow having mutual thoughts, pulled away from each other. The familair sight of Reiner's dishevelled appearance had you swooning and shaking in all the weirdest places. For a moment you sat there heavily breathing each other's air, dense with the scent of each other and a hint of slightly watered broth. "Y... You've gotta buy me din..ner first before we take this any further." You blurted. 

  The only two reasons you said that were because it was becoming a running joke between you two, and the slight embarrassment of having executed it so poorly was a pleasant distraction from your current clashing thoughts returing at every twitch of your core and the very few instances the draft seeping through the bottom of the door tickled at the fresh wetness at your neck. 

  "Really?" Breathed Reiner, "That's all?"

 "Maybe... Maybe— Maybe not."

. 

 

. 

 

. 

You're a fucking idjit. 

Parting with Reiner had to be the most frustrating thing. Your insides were fluttering nonstop, your legs were once again jelly, and even more of your insides were screaming at you.  _Don't leave now!!_  They were saying. _Finish what you started!_

You didn't obviously because you have to be prepared to die from KIDS and/or AIDS when having unprotected sex, and you weren't cool with dying very much—so much so that the two of you ignored each other—and Reiner was just as reticent to whip out his junk. Win-Win. 

  It was good at first, jerkin' the gerkin' had done well for your internal struggle. 

   You didn't much account for the hickeys though. 

Fucking Reiner... 

 And Mikasa wouldn't let you borrow her scarf. 

She wasn't fucking wearing it since it was so hot so why the FUC—

Anyway... Your collar could hide the most large and obvious ones. But for the smaller ones... Makeup wasn't an option and you didn't possess anything else to help cover up. 

   There were also no excuses other than "I got attacked by an octopus" to explain the marks on someone's neck. And only then if the people receiving the explanation were stupid. Your hair was your best bet, however, even that was a stretch. 

  So, when breakfast came, and you and Reiner glanced at each other before deciding to ignore each other for the time being—it was mutually decided you would keep things to yourselves until you figured your shit out— it was the perfect time for Jean to intrude at your table. 

    You had been effectively hiding the hickeys. The fact that Armin either didn't care or notice was a good sign, so you didn't worry about it. But there came Jean with his third all seeing gold eye that can see through your fucking collar (nah, just the fact that your collar was angle so that Jean could peek at your reddened flesh from across the fucking room). 

    "You sure don't waste any time do you—"

    "I will FUCKING sacrifice you to Satan!"

    There was the smirk again. 

   "So what happened?" He asked. 

    "I got attacked." You answered, slowly moving to huddle yourself further in your jacket. "By leeches."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a High School student wtf am I doing. 
> 
> I don't even ship them WTF—
> 
> —Will Author-Sama ever write smut?! 
> 
> FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DRAGONBALL Z!!!!!


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